Gender Intelligent Communication to Increase Women’s Status, Part 1

October 3rd, 2011

Article for Forbes 2.7.11:

After reading and witnessing last week’s recent outpouring of opinion on what did and did not happen at Davos, why women are still not ascending and staying at the top of corporations, and why previous solutions have been lip service rather than a long term fix, I ask that you open your mind to the possibility of a quick, yet long-term fix to increase the status of women in the corporate world. I sense there is an undercurrent of paranoia and hysteria being felt by the references to Groundhogs day, and the frustration about why the numbers aren’t equalizing at the top of the leadership pyramid. These feelings of uneasiness are in response to many of us run ragged by constant low-grade stress. When we address the underlying issue of helping ourselves and each other to incorporate stress reduction into our daily life, especially while at work (where we spend most of our waking time), the actual fix pretty much comes down to common sense. However, the common sense is uncommon knowledge at this point in time. The solution I refer to is introducing gender intelligent communication into professional development training.

Whenever I ask people if they are familiar with the term men are from Mars, women are from Venus, there tends to be an instant lighting up of the eyes, and intake of breath. This term coined by John Gray , Ph.D. when he wrote his best-selling book of that title back in 1992 is now considered to be part our society’s vernacular. However, when is the last time you’ve picked up any of John Gray’s, Ph.D. books? There are now too many books (16 and counting) for a high-level executive, or really anyone for that matter who has both a career and family to tend to sit down and devote good chunks of time to read and assimilate the information. Instead of reading all of the literature, the following is a quick synopsis of why implementing this quick fix is imperative, not only for women to remain and ascend in the corporate world, but also why it needs to be done in order to re-balance and give quality of life back to everyone in this fast-paced, high-tech world.

Back in 1992 John Gray, Ph.D. provided an easy way to understand the fact that men and women communicate differently, and if we want better relationships, we have to learn the other’s dialect so we can speak the same language. Now, in 2011, we understand the research behind why we communicate differently, and the message is now more urgent than ever, because not only are women not climbing in corporate, but we’re doing irreversible damage to our bodies, and the families we are currently growing. It is imperative that the culture in corporate shift for good now that we understand the revolution of men and women are created equal to be an unexamined assumption and unrealistic expectation. Men and women are uniquely different genders, and the latest research is showing how our unique natures and physiology are meant to complement the other gender.

So to get back to the point we must saturate the “market” by doing just this: while at work teach how men and women communicate differently in workshops. It is imperative, because right now women are up against a brick wall when it comes to fitting into a culture that disregards their unique gender-based contributions of working and relating to others. Stand by for part two about why teaching workshops on gender intelligent communication is the common sense approach and quick fix for a long term solution.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Corporate Media Relations

Mars Venus Coaching

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The Joy of Watering & Feeding Kids

September 30th, 2011

One of the best feelings in the world is when a child’s eyes light up in recognition and they run at you, throwing their little arms around you for a big hug and cuddle. I remember promising myself when I was about ten years old and dealing with my father’s death that I would never lose that innocence, and wonder and joy for life. John Gray’s, Ph.D., book Children Are From Heaven, reminds us how precious our responsibilities are as adults to grow and raise children to not just be resilient in life, but to thrive. So how do you curb your tongue, focus on the positive, and be in-Joy to raise the kids in your life? As a mother myself, I cherish this promise I made to myself as a young child.  It impacts everything I do and say around our child to guide and grow his spirit, rather than stamp the light out.

When it comes to raising kids, I like to remember simple, yet effective truths to keep me focused on joyfully raising kids.

Negative response attracts negative behavior.

Positive response attracts positive behavior.

Children naturally gravitate to wanting to please and cooperate. In our family we choose to use positive parenting, because we believe that the behaviors we focus on is the behavior we are teaching our children to reproduce.

If they are doing something that is not appropriate, then we re-direct and model the behavior we’d like them to do instead. We choose to motivate our children with rewards. When adults are stressed out, sometimes what comes naturally is yelling or punishing the negative behavior. If we want our children to be empathetic and logical when reacting to undesirable behaviors, then we have to model this so our actions and words are their models.  We do not use food or toys to bribe, we use words of affirmation and physical touch. When I engage with any child I immediately acknowledge and praise what they did right. We reward it by praising them with:

  • verbal affirmation,
  • a hug,
  • a smile, or
  • a high-five

The only time we use the word “no” is for dangerous situations. Such as darting into the street, touching a hot stove, or jumping into a pool without an adult in the water, etc. The less you use this word, the more powerful its effect when it’s needed in an emergency. Every adult our son has come in contact with marvels at his politeness, his manners, his ability to look people directly in the eye while talking, his ability to share, and his compassion for others. He’s not even three years old.

What this does is take the focus off of giving children consequences for negative behavior. Instead we provide consequences when they engage in positive behavior. We let them know when they’ve done a job well, when they’ve attempted to do something helpful, and when we’d like to see more of that behavior. Therefore we use positive outcomes to motivate children rather using a negative outcome.

Children are born wanting to please and cooperate with their parents. John Gray’s, Ph.D., program taps into returning the power to parents to guide children to learn how to make the right choices. When we give children the choice to choose, and give them options for acceptable behaviors, we do not stamp out their quest for independence. Instead we provide structure for them to make choices based on their developmental levels. This starts as soon as they can crawl. The more choices we give them, the more opportunities we give children to exert their independence and feel successful at navigating their way through life.

The more often we are able to parent using techniques based on love and mutual respect, rather than fear and guilt, the more time we have to play together. We all make mistakes, so remember to be gentle with yourself too. Raising kids joyfully and guiding with compassion are the greatest gifts we can give our children so they grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Soul Mate Tips for Women

September 28th, 2011

Is there a lack of quality men in the dating pool? Women laugh and joke with their friends about this, but sometimes the more books and articles women read while sitting by the pool, the more true this sounds and feels. Why are only 48% of people between 25-55 years old married? Perhaps it’s due to our fast paced lifestyles, on top of technological advances, and our ignorance of the differences in men and women’s physiology in response to stress, communication, diet, and nutrition. The good news is that both emotional intelligence and gender intelligence can be assessed, but more importantly skills can be learned to increase your ability to have successful relationships—both personally and professionally.

Four Areas of Compatibility

We reduce our chances of finding our soul mate, by becoming physical too soon, too often. A soul mate is a person that challenges us in all four areas:

  • Intellectual,
  • Emotional,
  • Spiritual, and
  • Physical

It is impossible to know if someone challenges you intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually if you become physical too soon.

Research shows love chemicals are released when you first make love with someone, stimulating the same areas of the brain as a cocaine high. The chemicals responsible for this feeling of falling in love remains in your body for up to 6-12 months after becoming intimate. It is not until 18-24 months into an exclusive dating relationship (when many people get married, and then divorce thinking their relationship has fallen apart, because they got married…) that these chemicals leave your body.

There is no way around time. You need it to assess and see if your partner is compatible with you—your character, values, beliefs, and ability to grow with you throughout life’s events. It feels amazing to have sex, but it’s not always the best way to test if you are meant for someone. Casually dating many people at once gives you time to see who is the most compatible with you.

Get to know men in a variety of situations and with different people for 18-24 months before becoming physical. Historically, people courted with chaperones and spent time getting to know their date to see if they intellectually or emotionally challenged each other before they moved on to petting, holding hands, and being intimate.

Intellectual

Soul mates intellectually fulfill and challenge you. Not only will you need to rely on their skills for things like financial planning for your future, but as you age the physical aspects of a relationship may diminish as you age. What keeps people together is a mutual respect and appreciation of being encouraged to engage and pursue individual passions.

If you have children, much of your time during your child rearing years will be devoted to raising and developing children. This wears you down in a good way, but if there is no intellectual stimulation in your relationship, then you may begin looking elsewhere so you feel more than a milk machine and kisser of boo-boos.

Emotional

Same goes for emotional compatibility. Today we often place unrealistic expectations and unexamined assumptions on men to fill the space of girlfriends, because we have less time to spend connecting in community with other women. We expect our boyfriends or husbands to listen to us as we can hash out our days, because it makes us feel close and connected.

However, men typically communicate with others when they have thought through and have a solution or are solving a problem. This does not mean stop sharing your day with your boyfriend, but what it does come down to is when you are assessing your emotional compatibility you have to look at whether or not you are both emotionally open at the same level.

Ninety-three percent of communication is non-verbal, so when you’re testing compatibility look at how healthy you are together. Yelling, fighting, jealousy, name-calling, or being evasive are destructive behaviors. If you find this in your relationships, then before pursuing a long-term relationship it is best first to learn conflict resolution skills and ways to manage anger so that you are able to speak openly, honestly, and tactfully. All interactions should be ones where you are uplifting each other, not tearing down.

Spiritual

Over the years people’s spirituality grows and changes. In a long-term relationship the question to be asked is whether or not you are growing:

  1. in a similar direction,
  2. at a similar intensity/rate, and
  3. whether or not you’ll be able to allow each other to develop spiritually on both
    1. an individual level, as well as
    2. an entire family too.

If you never explore or ask the questions, or just assume you’re on the same page, then you could find yourself years down the road with a great schism running through your marriage. You’ve grown in different directions at different rates. This can lead to mid-life crises, and emptiness.

Physical

Once you’ve spent time growing as individuals while casually dating a few people at once, and you find yourself compatible on an intellectual, emotional, and then spiritual level—then decide to become exclusive and date only one person. If you’ve already become physical, you can always call a moratorium until you find out if you’re good together in the other areas. There’s a risk of bringing children into the equation, which complicates everyone’s growth and maturity. While you are parenting children you may end up parenting each other too. Men tend to jump right back into physical relationships after being hurt from previous ones. Women tend to take time to heal and trust again—and therein lays the dilemma of the current dating scene, and the pressure to perform first before dating around.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Busy Moms Embrace Common Cents

September 26th, 2011

It is that time of year again when moms begin prepping their children to go to school. In my case, it’s for preschool. As we go from virtually non-existent laissez faire schedules to the regimen of “You’ll miss the bus if you…!” We also have to ask ourselves what we’re doing to conserve our sanity.

It’s a known fact that in a 1 dollar U.S. bill, 100 pennies make up a dollar. So the question begs to be asked, if we have 24 hours in a day, and at least 8 of those hours should have the entire household snoozing, up to 11 if you’re under 4 feet tall…WHY are we cramming in more activities than is possible to get done in a 24 hour day? The math does not add up! Neither do the health bills further down the road.

Clients, and most have the title “Mom” or “Dad” on their resume, often come to me for help in time-management. Of all the seminars and workshops I do—when I have people shout out their greatest challenge—prioritizing their time tops the list.

Our bodies run on a circadian clock that resets itself around every 24 hours. We are not wired to be on the go all-the-time, and our bodies are wearing out with excess cortisol, a stress-producing hormone, chronically in our system.  Any mom knows that if you do not give your children enough down time, then they become over-tired, their “poop” schedule gets thrown off, and you have a child prone to melt-downs or temper-tantrums on your hands.

Guess what? Same goes for you Momma! Do you wonder why you’re short with everyone, or why it’s hard to convince yourself to be sexy or romantic? The only answer is: you’re not giving enough time to one very important area in your life. You.

And, you can bring your household back into a pleasant place to relax, unwind, and connect with those you love most. The way you achieve any goal is first to define the goal, create a strategy, and identify the actions you need to take on a daily basis to achieve the goal.

Goal: Everyone’s sanity, health, and a functional well-adjusted family.

Strategy: Build in at least 4-6 hours per day where the pace is easy-going. Make sure at least 1 of these hours is 1-on-1 time with just your “self.”

NOTE: No other distractions allowed. TV, texting, phone calls, internet—Banned.

Actions: Every day during the school week my family will:

  • Use this time to cook meals and chat with family about the day.
  • Pack lunches together.
  • Do the dishes, unload dishes, or fold laundry while catching up.
  • Spend time in the same bed or on the same couch cuddling and hugging.
  • Sit down to breakfast and dinner all together.
  • Demand quiet play time for everyone in the household.

During quiet time…Light some candles, diffuse essential oils, run the bath. This may be a good time for you to check email or make a quick phone call as the bath fills. But, guess what? Once the tub is full—it’s time for alone time for you.  Read a chapter of a good novel & then wash your hair. The point for you during quiet time is to relax. (You’ve been connecting and nurturing during some of the chores & meals.)

As a woman you’ll replenish your stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin.  You do this by nurturing and caring for others or yourself. The key is no expectations can be attached. If someone is expecting you to do something, oxytocin isn’t produced as readily.

The point for a guy during quiet time is to do an activity that is less mentally challenging or doing nothing…, however, his stress-reducing hormone is testosterone. There really is a biologically proven reason why guys drop to the couch at the end of the day.

Same goes for your kids. They need to produce stress-reducing hormones too. It keeps everyone’s digestion moving, makes for more restful nights, strengthens your immune system, and improves your relationships.

The more we’re able to disengage ourselves from distractions, the more time we will have both for ourselves, and for our families. In a society where the divorce rate has tipped to over 50%, don’t you owe yourself this break, this chance, to keep your body healthy, your sanity in-tact, and to continue to model balance to your children?

We all need down-time in our schedules. If 4-6 hours seems too much at first, set another target number, and work backwards from there. Just remember it’s non-negotiable. We can’t change our circadian rhythm, and we cannot change how many hours are in a day. We start early teaching kids’ routines and schedules (including nap time) for a reason. Be a do as I say, just like I do mom. You and your kids will thank you for it.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Get Gorgeous Results with Joy

September 23rd, 2011

The instant fix to look immediately ravishing is feeling joyful. When you radiate joy, then not only do people notice you, but they want to be around you more often. Do you experience joy on a daily basis? Is this realistic? We here at Mars Venus Coaching think it is—and when you’re able to experience and share joy with others daily, then this also makes you a humbler, more compassionate person as well. No need for a trip to the doctor’s or cosmetologist’s office, the answer lies with you—in your head. You may have heard that a smile opens doors, but what we’re talking about here is pure joy.

Wanting or thinking about being happy or joyful does not necessarily make it so. You have to take a concrete step in order to make joy a part of your reality. It alleviates everything from depression to bad relationships. If you have either—or if you are overweight, dislike your job situation, your relationships aren’t as good as you’d like—then creating a 90 day plan with a coach who keeps you accountable just may help. Try it yourself first, then if you’re having trouble sticking to and articulating what you’re wishing and hoping for—then find yourself a coach that has all the qualities you’re looking to possess yourself.

To get started today below are a few daily scenarios with tips to help you reframe how you perceive your situation and see the joy in your daily life experiences.

On the way to work in a train, plane, or automobile:

Commute slow or lengthy or bogged down…focus on your senses. The smells, how it feels, and what you can hear, and what nature you can see. Look for the beautiful and be in awe. It could be a glimpse of green shrubbery, a whimsical cloud, a soaring bird, or a deer peeking out of the woods. Listening to favorite songs and singing or humming along also works!

At work:

Do the unexpected. Settle in to your routine and notice where your body is in relation to what you’re doing. If it feels tight or cramped, do something to alleviate the symptoms—walk outside to get some vitamin D from the sun and notice nature, go to the bathroom and do some stretches, give a compliment to a co-worker or a customer unexpected.

Coming home to a house—empty or full:

Gratitude or Create Beauty. Think of everything you have—shelter, safety, and pick up or look at one of your favorite things. Do something that creates beauty—whether it’s the perfect temperature bubble bath, or the perfect vegetable medley, messy finger paints with your kids, or a crazy haphazard waltz around the house with your loved ones. Engage and immerse yourself in your home and what makes you uniquely you and your family too. Silliness factors in big time!

In a conflict:

Stop. Before you say anything, STOP. Tell yourself STFU or WTF if you need to, but STOP. Before you say anything get into the mindset of the other person. If what you’d like to say will escalate the situation or cause hurt, then don’t. Deflect and deflate the situation by agreeing or redirecting to another topic. Then focus on how you can lift each other up, and how both sides can win.

Listening to the voices in your head:

Run like a kid. And, one of the best remedies is going for a long run in bare feet (or one of those shoes that let’s your arches do what they’re supposed to do and move). What? That’s right—if you can zone out and find yourself in the flow on a run, it doesn’t have to be fast (and it doesn’t have to be without shoes), just start out remembering how you used to do it as a kid. You can also run-walk, but the focus here is to do it like a kid. Remember the thrill of just moving your body and not knowing for how far or how long or how fast you’re trying to do something. The voices will be silenced, and in its place: serene joy.

The more you find yourself throughout the day in the present moment enjoying each sensation and interaction as it happens the more you will be “in” joy. You can do this while parenting, on dates, or all by yourself whenever you need a pick me up. Go ahead, take a picture or dig out an old one of when you were ecstatically happy—I don’t know a picture that isn’t beautiful when joy is present. That’s all it is—is being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually here right now. Are you there yet? Questions, feel free to ask!

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Assertive Communication with Gender-Based Sales

August 22nd, 2011

There is often failure and setbacks as we grow and change. All successful ventures which involve other people rely on the strength of our communication skills to hear and understand the needs of others. Being able to put this into practice day in and day out in both our personal and professional lives is what determines our lifelong success rates. Being able to communicate assertively (not passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively) is critical, but so is saying the right things when you are buying or selling based on gender preferences.

Using gender preferences when selling shows your capability: to tune into your client’s preferences, to be a reflective listener, and see their point of view. An assertive communicator is a good listener. Rephrasing what someone has said before you give your own input ensures (especially if you’re talking to the opposite sex) you hear them, and in return will be able to meet their needs. It gives the other person a chance to say, “yup, that’s what I said,” or “um, no, what I was saying was…”

Below are some gender-based preferences for buying and selling that serve as a guide to being a more effective sales person. Remember these are not absolutes, but guidelines, as there are also: (1) personality, (1) cultural, (3) generational, and (4) religious cues you need to be aware of when making a sale to the client sitting directly in front of you.

Female Preferences:

  1. Female prospects after an initial proposal may place an order and be more talkative after they’ve had a few days to think about it.
  2. During the early stages of a relationship with a new client, a female client is more likely to hold your feet to the fire on your statement that you have made a “casual commitment” to them.
  3. Female clients prefer that you listen with 100% attention when selling to them.
  4. Pausing before presenting your solution (even if you already have a solution) is more socially acceptable to female clients, because they want to be a part of coming up with the solution and do not want the solution rushed.
  5. Female clients prefer to know how the product will meet their needs when buying.
  6. When a female client or coworker is stressed about a problem she is more likely to walk around talking to coworkers rather than shutting the door and working out the problem.
  7. Boasting or self-promoting to female clients can turn them off to a sale.
  8. Female clients may not like it if you have all the answers to their objectives at the tip of your tongue. Female clients may be more inclined to do business with you if you hold back on giving all the answers, and offering to do research and get back to them for some of their questions.
  9. Female clients would most appreciate it if you showed them how to be happier at their job.
  10. Taking time to bond well the first time you meet a female client prior to starting the sales “pitch” is suggested as it shows you are taking time to get to know her as a person, before offering her a product or service.
  11. Female clients may need the most time to think an offer through so they do not feel rushed to make a decision.
  12. Female clients prefer being shown respect rather than appreciation when you are dealing with them.

Male Preferences:

  1. Male prospects make quicker decisions after receiving a sales proposal.
  2. Male clients prefer to know your credentials and dwell on them before making a sale.
  3. After the sales proposal has been made, if the offer is higher than what he expected to pay for your goods or services, male prospects are more likely to be quieter during this meeting.
  4. Male prospects tend to favor being shown appreciation rather than respect when selling a service or product.
  5. When making your point make sure you are clear in your message to male clients.
  6. Male clients prefer quick solutions to a problem.
  7. Male clients prefer people to be brief and come to the point quickly when making a sale.
  8. Male clients need the most space to think alone after a proposal submission has been made.
  9. You may bond better with male clients if you show how your product will meet a specific need.
  10. It tends to matter much more to a male client that you demonstrate extensive product knowledge than it does to female clients.
  11. Male clients prefer to have all the answers ready.
  12. Male clients appreciate and are more inclined to deal with you when you focus on showing them how to be successful at their job.

Did these preferences make you smile about your own buying habits too?

Whether it’s growing a business, achieving your dreams, pursuing professional objectives, or having quality relationships—it takes sweat, effort, and work. I apply these principles of assertive communication and gender-based sales with friends and clients whether they are growing their small businesses or working on finessing themselves and finding compatible life partners. Why? If we are not staying true to our client’s values and character as they attempt to grow professionally, then we’re offering temporary fixes that are shallow and short-lived. Whenever we make a commitment to growth, before we achieve our desired end state we have to invest in ourselves to bring about the change we desire. Are you ready to invest in your people skills?

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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What is Gender Difference?

August 19th, 2011

Gender difference attempts to explain why men and women have communication problems when interacting together. There are many different reasons why people have trouble understanding one another. Gender difference is just one. Men and women see and hear things differently based on two things: physiology and socialization.

The key to having healthier relationships is to understand these underlying dynamics that color how we perceive ourselves and the world around us. Gender intelligence lets us separate the distance we may feel between the sexes, so that we’re both heard and respected for our unique communication strengths.

Physiologically speaking…

The male brain is wired to be more single-task oriented. Under stress in the male brain blood flows to the left orbitofrontal cortex suggesting a fight or flight response that a male wants to either solve the problem or forget about it.

The female brain is wired to be more multi-task oriented. Under stress the female brain’s limbic system activates. At the same time as there is more brain tissue devoted to cross-talk between both hemispheres of the brain, allowing her to see implications and emotional cause and effect as she reacts.

Girls like Pink, Boys like Blue

Girls are socialized to be transformational, caring about how what they do affects everyone else.

Boys are socialized to be transactional, competitive, caring about results, and self-promotion.

While you may not have these preferences yourself, it is useful to know how most people view you when they first meet and stereotype you. I cannot tell you how many times I have been told female Marines don’t look or sound like me, oh really?

The Mars Venus metaphor is that to feel loved:

Men need trust, acceptance, and appreciation.

Women need caring, understanding and respect.

This metaphor is intended as a way for us to look non-judgmentally at the dynamics at play with relationships between men and women. I have found it useful when I attended one of the Service Academies, because I was in an environment where the majority is male. I also found it useful in the Marine Corps, and then when I was transitioning into the civilian workforce and as I received my master’s degree in counseling. I have also used these concepts in my personal relationships throughout the years as well.

While raising my growing family, I chose to become a Mars Venus Coach, because John Gray’s, Ph.D. work in regards to how we cope with stress differently and how our diet and nutrition needs differ resonated with me. I also wanted to use the information so that I could help other people understand these relationship dynamics better so they could pursue healthier relationships with their significant others, as well as in their professional careers as well.  I met my husband when I was seventeen at the U.S. Naval Academy back in 1998, we must be doing something right as we’re happily married raising our family together today!

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Google + And Our Relationships

July 14th, 2011

Google+ builds upon the latest applications and using the technology from previous social media initiatives like Facebook, iPhones, Twitter to create more user-friendly instant interactions with circles, huddles, hangouts, and instant upload. It looks like we’re getting closer to being connected to one another in such a way, that as soon as you have a feeling and a thought–your action of syncing in with social media takes real-time and congruency to a whole new level. My fascination lies mainly in how using this new technology will affect our values and the quality of our relationships.

Reading about Google + makes me wonder if in the future fewer people will have to drive to office buildings to go to work. If you are in the business of providing services, and not products–I see many people working from other locations due to how much time we spent virtually hooked in to one another’s lives. This would help solve part of the environmental/energy footprints as well as provide more quality time to spend with the people most important to you (friends, family, partners, and our children). Google + could also revolutionize the way children learn as well just like encyclopedias and micro fiche helped me out as a kid (am I dating myself?!). As each new product comes out and builds upon the latest technology, I keep looking to the kids now using it–and where we’re going. What are the ramifications and implications of how kids adapt to the technology faster than the adults responsible for raising and instilling social-emotional intelligence, values and ethics in these children? Recent studies show that the highest growth demographic on Facebook are older adults, while teenagers are fleeing, because they want more privacy. What does this say about teaching congruency in thoughts/feelings/actions? How will this affect the future dating and marriage relationships of our younger generations?

The more we’re able to connect on social media platforms like Google+ while incorporating our values and ethics as we interact with users, will I believe determine whether or not we’re able to work more efficiently at work and when we play. Google+ can enhance our experience so we are able to spend more time on the things (which is often our relationships with those closest to us) that matter most to us. If we use this technology intentionally and wisely, then it will help us achieve work-life balance.

Men and women may use these social media tools differently, because of their preferred reasons behind why they communicate and sign on these sites. I get questions all the time from clients on how to interpret texts, facebook posts, etc., from whom they’re dating. Therefore, I think as we increasingly use technology and adapt it to our needs, we should also stay cognizant of how this affects our personal and professional relationships with those around us. I hope it helps people have healthier relationships.

As younger generations pick up the technology quickly, I think the value of learning social and emotional skills will increase. As time goes by instead of social media being a place where you can post your opinions anonymously (and sometimes quite cruelly and untactful), what you say on social media will have direct ramifications in our daily lives, because we’ll leave virtual footprints of what we think/feel/do. We’ll use social media more like a pair of glasses to increase what we can see and influence. Therefore, as our profiles become visible to everyone what we say/do on social networking sites should reflect our values we hold dear, and the good behavior we instill in our kids as they grow up. In an ideal world as we use collaborative social media platforms like Google+, they should help us evolve not become more insular, self-centered, egotistical, or narcissistic. It will bring a whole new level to being able to identify how emotionally, mentally, and spiritually mature people are in their interactions with all people.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

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Latest Mars Venus Executive Training Press Release

June 29th, 2011

For Release

June 29th, 2011

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Mars Venus Executive Training Success at SHRM Expo

Mars Venus Executive Training, a global training organization, attended the Society of Human Resource Management (SHRM) Expo held in Las Vegas, Nevada this past week. Their presence at the event proved to be a huge success, offering the executive team the opportunity to present their newest training programs based on Gender Intelligence in the workplace to human resources and training representatives from companies around the world.

Mars Venus Executive Training has developed an online Gender Intelligence test (GQ test), the test was available at the booth. Attendees were able to complete the test and get a feel for their Gender Intelligence Quotient. John Gray, Ph.D. was also present at to discuss the importance of Gender Intelligence and its impact on the corporate environment as well as to sign complimentary copies of his book, “Why Mars and Venus Collide.”

“I was very impressed with the caliber of the attendees at the expo and how passionate they are about their corporate teams and their specific training needs. Each attendee I spoke with, whether an HR representative, a sales manager or a small business owner had a strong connection with the importance of Gender Intelligence in the workplace and how it would benefit their teams,” commented John Gray, Ph.D. “As I spent more time with each professional discussing their training needs it became clear to me that in today’s corporate environment the need for this type of executive training is greater now than ever before. The event solidified my passion and diligent work over the last 30 years and the importance of taking this information into the executive arena.”

Mars Venus Executive Training is a global training company founded on the principles of best-selling author and speaker, John Gray, Ph.D. His 30 years of experience in the fields of psychology, relationships, communication, personal success, and productivity in the workplace, and wealth generation have made this company a world leader in corporate training. Mars Venus Executive trainers can be found around the world, including United States, Central America, Europe, the Middle East, India, China and Australia.

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Father’s Day After Loss

June 2nd, 2011

How are you going to get through your first, or yet another Father’s Day without feeling raw, abandoned, or left behind? After my father died while I was a child, it took years before I could pass through a Father’s Day and not feel sad and confused as I was left with all of the questions I never had a chance to ask as I grew up. As we grieve the loss of a father, sometimes it is easier to go through the process if we know what to expect as our heart heals. Understanding the grief process helps us to feel in control over something we have very little control over.

When we first lose our father, we often find ourselves making decisions and choices that sound reasonable but are quite counterproductive to our overall healing. Even though it may temporarily give us relief, in the long run it does not nurture us or complete our healing. For some people after their father dies they thrive again by themselves, but most of us are not that lucky or successful at dealing with the loss of love from a father. Sometimes we spiral down to the depths of despair (which is somewhere we all go to some extent or another), but then have trouble climbing back out. And to various degrees, you may re-experience the loss over and over again or continue to suffer your loss until you learn new ways to cope.

Some people who appear to have let go of their loss really haven’t, because what they’ve done is closed the door to their hearts. To avoid feeling any more pain they move on too quickly, and in doing so they’ve numbed their ability to fully feel. Without realizing they are doing this they carry on in their lives unable to feel the love in their hearts, and consequently their ability to grow in love and happiness is stunted.

The good news is that building resiliency is an on-going process. How long it takes to move through your father’s loss depends wholly upon you. While we’ll talk about the three stages of grief here, the length of time it takes for you to go through each of the stages depends on you and your resiliency or ability to bounce back. I like explaining the grief process using Dr. John Gray’s three stages found in his book, Mars and Venus Starting Over.

The first stage of healing is going to someone who can help. If family dynamics do not permit you to grieve openly or talk amongst yourselves, then you may need outside help. The advice of friends while well-intentioned may leave you feeling worse off if you’re not able to complete the second stage in a way that is best for you.

The second stage of healing is grieving the loss. We do this by grieving our father’s loss, and then finding forgiveness. Our survival tendency is to avoid our pain. A man can get in touch with his feeling when he is in the presence of others who are also in pain. Numbing ourselves does not heal pain. The tragedy of doing this is you close shop and decide to never love again. Whether you are a child still growing up, a young adult that has not found their significant other, or an adult in a current relationship-if you numb yourself, then you stop growing in the area of love and relationships. Human beings are not meant to live their lives alone by themselves.

The third stage of healing is becoming whole. In this stage we work on becoming whole, because this will protect us from getting hurt again. If you are in a romantic relationship while you are processing your father’s death you have to be aware that you may transfer feelings to this partner, but you are really dealing with moving through your feelings you had for your father. If you find yourself doing this-this is where outside help can help you look objectively at how you are thinking, feeling, and behaving to the loved ones still in your life. By focusing on feeling the four healing emotions of:

· Anger

· Sadness

· Fear

· Sorrow

Then you will know that you really love somebody and have moved on when you do not hold them accountable or responsible for your pain anymore. A victim’s belief is, “I can’t feel better unless you change.” If you did not have a chance to work through any issues you had with your father while he was still alive, you can still process the feelings and obtain the love you need so you can move on.

Sometimes just getting in touch with our feelings doesn’t complete the healing process-so while we feel our pain, we aren’t able to find relief. If this is the case, then an important part of the process may have been overlooked, and it is either limiting or blocking our natural ability to heal. A solution-focused way to work through this last stage of grief is to write Feeling Letter’s each time these emotions come up. My next article will go over how to write a feeling letter to your father. And in doing so you can move yourself quickly through these feelings of loss so you become at peace with your loss and can remember your father with love.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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