Posts Tagged ‘John Gray’

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Shaky Ground, Clear Heart

Thursday, October 27th, 2011

The epicenter in Mineral, Virginia, of where the 5.8 magnitude earthquake struck on August 23, 2011, was less than 30 miles from me. With telephone lines down, it looked like the 4th of July with people over 300 miles away immediately posting updates on their Facebook pages to let friends and family know what happened and that they were okay. Life is always full of uncertainties. Sometimes it takes a natural occurrence like an earthquake not near a fault line or a tornado in an uncommon location to make us stop for a second and check in with our priorities.

I grew up in Alaska with daily earthquakes throughout the state. Earthquake drills are common practice at school, and watching blinds shake or being rolled out of bed was the norm. When things began creaking and shaking I instinctively scooped up dog and kid and found myself waiting out the groaning, rattling, rumblings in our nearest, sturdiest doorframe. I was calmly explaining to my soon to be preschooler that the earth was shaking like big dinosaurs stomping around outside.

I figured why not relate this to one of his beloved books so it was a fun adventure, rather than a potential disaster? He asked if we should put our shoes on, and I said—“sure honey, when the chandelier stops swinging and the trees outside stop their staccato swaying.” Using big vocabulary,made me stay in the logical part of my brain so I would stay calm rather than let my monkey brain create panic for us. Like all kids, he easily picks up the emotional nuances in our voices and faces to tell him how he should react—the shaking stopped and he was excited to put on his shoes and explore outside as we checked for cracks. With my military background my mind was also assessing the situation and hoping it was only an earthquake, and not another attack like 9-11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon inflicted by human beings angry at other human beings.

As I checked in with family and friends, I also found clients checking in with me. This brings me to my point: relationships. I created my business so I could spread and share unconditional love with as many people as possible. I believe we can all learn more life resiliency skills so are relationships are healthier, and we’re able to stay more focused on the present and attaining our goals—which often correlate to cultivating and sharing our talents with others.

Mars Venus Coaching based on John Gray’s, Ph.D., wide-body of male/female relationship dynamics is different from other coaching systems, because it focuses on helping people to understand how to communicate with different types of people so they are valued, respected, and heard. Coaching is also different from traditional forms of therapy, because the focus is on the present and creating 90-day action plans that daily step clients’ closer to their life purpose and goals.

I believe we’re only here on Earth for a blink of an eye, and if we have our priorities straight, then we’re engaging with other people and making their lives a little easier to live and bear. There is a lot of potential to be self-involved, greedy, evil, judgmental, and close-minded. When we focus our attention in this direction, then we take our energy away from what I believe is our main purpose: relationships. Having successful relationships professionally and personally is a life well-lived. Your daily interactions with others, and how many close, quality relationships you have are indicators of whether or not you’re making a difference in the world.

Where were you and what were you thinking about when the 2.8, 2.2, 4.2, and 3.4 aftershocks in Central Virginia occurred in the ensuing hours? Did you even feel them? If you were nearby and felt any of the shaking—did you check in with family and friends? If you were further away and new of loved ones somewhere along the affected eastern coast of America did you check on them? At the end of each day, regardless if there has been a life event that makes you wonder if you have your priorities straight—are you doing ALL you can do to express your gratitude and love for the people that make a difference in your life? Boot anger and low self-confidence out, and focus on what makes your relationships richer and more fulfilling—engage in the now, every day. Achieve your life goals.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Assertive Communication with Gender-Based Sales

Wednesday, October 26th, 2011

There is often failure and setbacks as we grow and change. All successful ventures which involve other people rely on the strength of our communication skills to hear and understand the needs of others. Being able to put this into practice day in and day out in both our personal and professional lives is what determines our lifelong success rates. Being able to communicate assertively (not passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively) is critical, but so is saying the right things when you are buying or selling based on gender preferences.

Using gender preferences when selling shows your capability: to tune into your client’s preferences, to be a reflective listener, and see their point of view. Anassertive communicator is a good listener. Rephrasing what someone has said before you give your own input ensures (especially if you’re talking to the opposite sex) you hear them, and in return will be able to meet their needs. It gives the other person a chance to say, “yup, that’s what I said,” or “um, no, what I was saying was…”

Below are some gender-based preferences for buying and selling that serve as a guide to being a more effective sales person. Remember these are not absolutes, but guidelines, as there are also: (1) personality, (1) cultural, (3) generational, and (4) religious cues you need to be aware of when making a sale to the client sitting directly in front of you.

Female Preferences:

  1. Female prospects after an initial proposal may place an order and be more talkative after they’ve had a few days to think about it.
  2. During the early stages of a relationship with a new client, a female client is more likely to hold your feet to the fire on your statement that you have made a “casual commitment” to them.
  3. Female clients prefer that you listen with 100% attention when selling to them.
  4. Pausing before presenting your solution (even if you already have a solution) is more socially acceptable to female clients, because they want to be a part of coming up with the solution and do not want the solution rushed.
  5. Female clients prefer to know how the product will meet their needs when buying.
  6. When a female client or coworker is stressed about a problem she is more likely to walk around talking to coworkers rather than shutting the door and working out the problem.
  7. Boasting or self-promoting to female clients can turn them off to a sale.
  8. Female clients may not like it if you have all the answers to their objectives at the tip of your tongue. Female clients may be more inclined to do business with you if you hold back on giving all the answers, and offering to do research and get back to them for some of their questions.
  9. Female clients would most appreciate it if you showed them how to be happier at their job.
  10. Taking time to bond well the first time you meet a female client prior to starting the sales “pitch” is suggested as it shows you are taking time to get to know her as a person, before offering her a product or service.
  11. Female clients may need the most time to think an offer through so they do not feel rushed to make a decision.
  12. Female clients prefer being shown respect rather than appreciation when you are dealing with them.

Male Preferences:

  1. Male prospects make quicker decisions after receiving a sales proposal.
  2. Male clients prefer to know your credentials and dwell on them before making a sale.
  3. After the sales proposal has been made, if the offer is higher than what he expected to pay for your goods or services, male prospects are more likely to be quieter during this meeting.
  4. Male prospects tend to favor being shown appreciation rather than respect when selling a service or product.
  5. When making your point make sure you are clear in your message to male clients.
  6. Male clients prefer quick solutions to a problem.
  7. Male clients prefer people to be brief and come to the point quickly when making a sale.
  8. Male clients need the most space to think alone after a proposal submission has been made.
  9. You may bond better with male clients if you show how your product will meet a specific need.
  10. It tends to matter much more to a male client that you demonstrate extensive product knowledge than it does to female clients.
  11. Male clients prefer to have all the answers ready.
  12. Male clients appreciate and are more inclined to deal with you when you focus on showing them how to be successful at their job.

Did these preferences make you smile about your own buying habits too?

Whether it’s growing a business, achieving your dreams, pursuing professional objectives, or having quality relationships—it takes sweat, effort, and work. I apply these principles of assertive communication and gender-based sales with friends and clients whether they are growing their small businesses or working on finessing themselves and finding compatible life partners. Why? If we are not staying true to our client’s values and character as they attempt to grow professionally, then we’re offering temporary fixes that are shallow and short-lived. Whenever we make a commitment to growth, before we achieve our desired end state we have to invest in ourselves to bring about the change we desire. Are you ready to invest in your people skills?

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Simple Tips for Women When Dealing with Men in Business

Tuesday, October 18th, 2011
  1. Promote yourself

  1. Avoid tag endings

  1. Be direct and concise

  1. Don’t take male comments so personally

  1. Make acknowledgements direct and simple

Simple Tips for Men when dealing with women in business

  1. Build rapport

  1. Avoid monopolising conversations

  1. Respect her abilities

  1. Don’t lecture

  1. Be specific with praise

To Manage Martians: DO
Do allow them to work on their own
Do motivate them by appealing to their ability to get the job done- the hero factor
Do praise and reinforce them by appreciating the TASKS
Do manage their stress by allowing ‘cave time’ and /or simple and quick criteria for what needs to be corrected.
Do act as if you trust he will succeed

To Manage Martians: DON”T

Don’t offer unsolicited or too much advice/help
Don’t focus too much on fleshing out all of the potential problems of a situation
Don’t manage stress by asking him to talk about it
Don’t act as if you do not trust he will succeed

To Manage Venusians: DO
Do allow for more collaborative work
Do motivate by appealing to ability to help the group
Do praise and reinforce by emphasizing importance to group/organization
Do manage stress by listening
Do pay attention and positively comment on the ‘little things’ she does.
Do build rapport by asking appropriate non-work related questions

To Manage Venusians: DON’T

Don’t solve problems too quickly (listen first)
Don’t focus exclusively on Tasks and ignore the relationship
Don’t wait for Venusians to bring up problems-ask about their concerns
Don’t withhold positive feedback

The ultimate guide to parenting is now available as a workshop!

Children Are from Heaven was written by the top expert on loving relationships, John Gray, the author of the phenomenal bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. He now turns his caring wisdom to one of the most powerful and profound relationships in people’s lives – the bond between parent and child. Dr. Gray had created a workshop to be taught by his personally trained instructors.

This workshop will teach you:

  • Why it’s Okay for Children to be Different
  • How to Help Your Children Express Their True Selves
  • The Five Messages and Five Skills of Positive Parenting
  • How to Motivate Children without Punishment
  • How to Help Children Feel Great about Themselves

Geared to parents of children from birth through the teens, this invaluable new workshop will show parents how to help their children become strong, confident, morally sound adults by focusing on self-esteem and responsibility.

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Productivity for Martians

Wednesday, October 12th, 2011

One of the most often cited reasons why people seek out coaching is to become more efficient with their time management.  Outcomes from the 2010 ICF Global Consumer Awareness Study, show more than two-fifths (42.6 percent) of coaching clients choose “optimize individual and/or team performance” as their motivation for being coached,  followed by “expand professional career opportunities” at 38.8 percent and “improve business management strategies” at 36.1 percent.  As a male do you find yourself worn out at the end of the day? Even though you are now working longer hours, do you think you are as productive? There are two ways to combat unproductiveness: (1) replenish testosterone stores daily and (2) clearly defined SMART goals.

Do you remember when you were more productive? Do you think it has to do with having more energy and focus? You may recall being more productive when you were younger or when you were well-rested—like after a holiday weekend or after doing something with your male friends. This is because you topped off your stores of testosterone. In a relaxed state you are more productive, because your focus is better.

There are physiological reasons for why you are more productive when you spend time resting and relaxing. For males your stress-reducing hormone is testosterone. For women it is oxytocin. This is partly why asking your girlfriend, mom, wife, sister, or female co-worker to relax, sit down and rest, forget about it, or do something different may be met by resistance on their part. These kinds of activities are not stress-reducing for women if they have many things to do. However, for men when you shift gears to easier tasks such as:

  • reading an article,
  • checking sports scores,
  • watching a TV show,
  • surfing the internet, or
  • just sitting and doing nothing,
  • forgetting the problem for awhile, or
  • taking a nap

What you are doing when you are doing these activities is replenishing your testosterone stores. If you ask a woman to do the same thing it can have the opposite effect and increase her stress. You can learn more about this by attending one of our Mars Venus Coaches seminars or taking an eWorkshop if you’re really crunched for time. Your relationships will improve at work and at home. And, when males anticipate coming home to a successful relationship…it’s a testosterone producer! So what does replenishing testosterone daily have to do with productivity?

For men it takes longer to replenish testosterone stores on a daily basis, and if you’re productivity is suffering, it may be due in part to not taking enough time EVERY day replenishing your testosterone. If you felt more productive when you were younger, it’s because you produce less testosterone as you age. I’m sure someone is reading this and thinking, “great, but the bottom line is I have more responsibilities, and the pressures on me to perform. I don’t have time to take time to sit and do nothing.” When we experience chronic stress in our lives, then there is excess cortisol (this as well as adrenaline are the stress-producing hormones) in your body which inhibits testosterone production.

The way you attack being more productive then gets into creating SMART goals. Your goals professionally and personally need to be:

S—Specific

M—Measurable

A—Achievable

R—Results-Oriented

T—Time Bound

Once you sit down, write out, and create your SMART goals, complete them when you say you will, and work on them every day. If you are doing things that are not a part of your goals, then you must choose to keep doing them or not. By writing and following through on your goals you learn how to prioritize and manage your time. If you don’t know where to start or what’s important, then this is when coaching may help you gain clarity and accountability to follow through on your intentions.

The way you make sure that you stay productive is to incorporate down time as part of your SMART goals every day so you ensure time to replenish testosterone throughout the day, especially on the busy jam-packed days. Make sure you have an objective person hold you accountable to your goals so you don’t slack off on what’s really important to you. Not only will you be more productive, you will be more successful and satisfied with the quality of your life.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Mars Venus Parenting and Hot Steamy Sex

Wednesday, October 5th, 2011

Erotic and exciting sex is not only for the unattached or young. I’d even argue it gets better with age and knowing your partner. The biggest culprit to your sex life falling flat on its face while you’re raising kids starts with a T, although it’s not necessarily lack of toys. It’s more likely that the offender we blame is: T…I…M…E, when really it’s our lack of prioritizing a hot sex life into our busy schedules.

When we don’t nurture and grow our sex life, then we often find that sex left the premises. Not connecting often enough with your partner in this way can leave the door wide open to one or both of you straying—either in emotional or physical affairs. So how do you broach this sticky subject if one or both parents are stressed out and tired? Regardless if you’re a new mom figuring out your new body, or if you’re pre-menopausal, you can implement these techniques immediately into your life with your partner.

I cannot say from experience how things go once the kids become cognizant of the mewling sounds coming from the bedroom, because our toddler is still a toddler. From our experience we’ve followed the following tips and they work. These ideas are also drawn from the expertise of John Gray, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of the Mars Venus series that the Mars Venus Coaches use to strengthen relationships with their clients and workshop customers.

Humor

Keeping the atmosphere light and pressure free is an art. However, it is doable if humor is done without sarcasm or the intent to hurt or make you feel better at the expense of another. Maintaining a good sense of humor when things change on your body allows both partners to be uninhibited. And for both sexes it can lead to more intimacy. Accepting and making light of the weird things our bodies do as they age, as they bounce back from childbirth, and begin drooping and sagging is quite fun, especially if you’ve been together for awhile, because you’ll be able to remember and still see your hot cutie when they were XX years young. When we do accept these changes with grace, then we are able to be freer in the bedroom with our partners.

Play

Remaining playful, joyful, and young at heart—especially with your partner or spouse—is critical to keeping all the pressures of a fast-paced society out of your sex life. Leaving sexy notes and playing your fantasies out with your partner keeps ennui at bay, and keeps your sex life new and exciting. Telling your partner when someone else finds you attractive reaffirms being desired, while also keeping the sexual energy within your relationship, instead of giving it away.

Non-Sexual Touch

For women, it takes time to become sexually aroused. Women need to feel relaxed and that they’ve had sufficient time to take off their hats as mom, sister, daughter, housekeeper, and professional, before they feel like the sexy, hot playmate their partner may always see them as despite the messy pony-tail and spit up on their shirt. Taking time to sit beside a woman, or to give one another a foot or back rub, with no intention of this leading to sex can do wonders to turn women on as they anticipate sex later in the day.

Connecting not Necessarily Talking it Out

If you’ve gotten this far, and you are questioning how best to take action—wonderful! You do not need to talk about what you’re doing, just take action. If things are so tense or you’re so exhausted, humor, play, and non-sexual touch are three ways you can re-balance your relationship without adding more stress. The point is to re-connect. Quickie sex. Home-Cooked sex. Romantic sex. It can all be steamy. If you are counting on spontaneity, but then find one of you always bags out, then schedule a day and time each week so you both know that you’ll have time with one another.

Agree to Always Say Yes

Never say no.  This agreement ensures no one is ever turned down. Simple as that, and it works. This is when using a nonverbal signal such as three candles, like John Gray, Ph.D., suggests  lets the other person know you’re interested, and gives them time to get in the mood, or choose to have just a quickie instead.

Long Term Perspective

Our sex life in a long-term, committed relationship will ebb and flow. The key is being able to voice any dissatisfaction in a way that is nurturing not damaging. Complaining or putting your lack of a sex life down will not encourage more intimacy. Introducing eroticism and fantasy into your relationship can ensure that it remains monogamous, while also allowing both partners to freely explore their entire sexual depth.  Keeping things playful, humorous, and focused on connecting at deeper levels ensures a steamy sex life for years to come. Our bodies will change, we will go through life events, but if we embrace these events and are gentle with ourselves and our partners, then we’re able to continue growing together despite the odds.

For more information on Mars and Venus in the Bedroom go to John Gray’s, Ph.D., book of the same name. And, if you’re pressed for time you can also pick up more tips on healthy relationships with our eWorkshop: Secrets of Successful Relationships.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Gender Intelligent Communication to Increase Women’s Status, Part 1

Monday, October 3rd, 2011

Article for Forbes 2.7.11:

After reading and witnessing last week’s recent outpouring of opinion on what did and did not happen at Davos, why women are still not ascending and staying at the top of corporations, and why previous solutions have been lip service rather than a long term fix, I ask that you open your mind to the possibility of a quick, yet long-term fix to increase the status of women in the corporate world. I sense there is an undercurrent of paranoia and hysteria being felt by the references to Groundhogs day, and the frustration about why the numbers aren’t equalizing at the top of the leadership pyramid. These feelings of uneasiness are in response to many of us run ragged by constant low-grade stress. When we address the underlying issue of helping ourselves and each other to incorporate stress reduction into our daily life, especially while at work (where we spend most of our waking time), the actual fix pretty much comes down to common sense. However, the common sense is uncommon knowledge at this point in time. The solution I refer to is introducing gender intelligent communication into professional development training.

Whenever I ask people if they are familiar with the term men are from Mars, women are from Venus, there tends to be an instant lighting up of the eyes, and intake of breath. This term coined by John Gray , Ph.D. when he wrote his best-selling book of that title back in 1992 is now considered to be part our society’s vernacular. However, when is the last time you’ve picked up any of John Gray’s, Ph.D. books? There are now too many books (16 and counting) for a high-level executive, or really anyone for that matter who has both a career and family to tend to sit down and devote good chunks of time to read and assimilate the information. Instead of reading all of the literature, the following is a quick synopsis of why implementing this quick fix is imperative, not only for women to remain and ascend in the corporate world, but also why it needs to be done in order to re-balance and give quality of life back to everyone in this fast-paced, high-tech world.

Back in 1992 John Gray, Ph.D. provided an easy way to understand the fact that men and women communicate differently, and if we want better relationships, we have to learn the other’s dialect so we can speak the same language. Now, in 2011, we understand the research behind why we communicate differently, and the message is now more urgent than ever, because not only are women not climbing in corporate, but we’re doing irreversible damage to our bodies, and the families we are currently growing. It is imperative that the culture in corporate shift for good now that we understand the revolution of men and women are created equal to be an unexamined assumption and unrealistic expectation. Men and women are uniquely different genders, and the latest research is showing how our unique natures and physiology are meant to complement the other gender.

So to get back to the point we must saturate the “market” by doing just this: while at work teach how men and women communicate differently in workshops. It is imperative, because right now women are up against a brick wall when it comes to fitting into a culture that disregards their unique gender-based contributions of working and relating to others. Stand by for part two about why teaching workshops on gender intelligent communication is the common sense approach and quick fix for a long term solution.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Corporate Media Relations

Mars Venus Coaching

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The Joy of Watering & Feeding Kids

Friday, September 30th, 2011

One of the best feelings in the world is when a child’s eyes light up in recognition and they run at you, throwing their little arms around you for a big hug and cuddle. I remember promising myself when I was about ten years old and dealing with my father’s death that I would never lose that innocence, and wonder and joy for life. John Gray’s, Ph.D., book Children Are From Heaven, reminds us how precious our responsibilities are as adults to grow and raise children to not just be resilient in life, but to thrive. So how do you curb your tongue, focus on the positive, and be in-Joy to raise the kids in your life? As a mother myself, I cherish this promise I made to myself as a young child.  It impacts everything I do and say around our child to guide and grow his spirit, rather than stamp the light out.

When it comes to raising kids, I like to remember simple, yet effective truths to keep me focused on joyfully raising kids.

Negative response attracts negative behavior.

Positive response attracts positive behavior.

Children naturally gravitate to wanting to please and cooperate. In our family we choose to use positive parenting, because we believe that the behaviors we focus on is the behavior we are teaching our children to reproduce.

If they are doing something that is not appropriate, then we re-direct and model the behavior we’d like them to do instead. We choose to motivate our children with rewards. When adults are stressed out, sometimes what comes naturally is yelling or punishing the negative behavior. If we want our children to be empathetic and logical when reacting to undesirable behaviors, then we have to model this so our actions and words are their models.  We do not use food or toys to bribe, we use words of affirmation and physical touch. When I engage with any child I immediately acknowledge and praise what they did right. We reward it by praising them with:

  • verbal affirmation,
  • a hug,
  • a smile, or
  • a high-five

The only time we use the word “no” is for dangerous situations. Such as darting into the street, touching a hot stove, or jumping into a pool without an adult in the water, etc. The less you use this word, the more powerful its effect when it’s needed in an emergency. Every adult our son has come in contact with marvels at his politeness, his manners, his ability to look people directly in the eye while talking, his ability to share, and his compassion for others. He’s not even three years old.

What this does is take the focus off of giving children consequences for negative behavior. Instead we provide consequences when they engage in positive behavior. We let them know when they’ve done a job well, when they’ve attempted to do something helpful, and when we’d like to see more of that behavior. Therefore we use positive outcomes to motivate children rather using a negative outcome.

Children are born wanting to please and cooperate with their parents. John Gray’s, Ph.D., program taps into returning the power to parents to guide children to learn how to make the right choices. When we give children the choice to choose, and give them options for acceptable behaviors, we do not stamp out their quest for independence. Instead we provide structure for them to make choices based on their developmental levels. This starts as soon as they can crawl. The more choices we give them, the more opportunities we give children to exert their independence and feel successful at navigating their way through life.

The more often we are able to parent using techniques based on love and mutual respect, rather than fear and guilt, the more time we have to play together. We all make mistakes, so remember to be gentle with yourself too. Raising kids joyfully and guiding with compassion are the greatest gifts we can give our children so they grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Busy Moms Embrace Common Cents

Monday, September 26th, 2011

It is that time of year again when moms begin prepping their children to go to school. In my case, it’s for preschool. As we go from virtually non-existent laissez faire schedules to the regimen of “You’ll miss the bus if you…!” We also have to ask ourselves what we’re doing to conserve our sanity.

It’s a known fact that in a 1 dollar U.S. bill, 100 pennies make up a dollar. So the question begs to be asked, if we have 24 hours in a day, and at least 8 of those hours should have the entire household snoozing, up to 11 if you’re under 4 feet tall…WHY are we cramming in more activities than is possible to get done in a 24 hour day? The math does not add up! Neither do the health bills further down the road.

Clients, and most have the title “Mom” or “Dad” on their resume, often come to me for help in time-management. Of all the seminars and workshops I do—when I have people shout out their greatest challenge—prioritizing their time tops the list.

Our bodies run on a circadian clock that resets itself around every 24 hours. We are not wired to be on the go all-the-time, and our bodies are wearing out with excess cortisol, a stress-producing hormone, chronically in our system.  Any mom knows that if you do not give your children enough down time, then they become over-tired, their “poop” schedule gets thrown off, and you have a child prone to melt-downs or temper-tantrums on your hands.

Guess what? Same goes for you Momma! Do you wonder why you’re short with everyone, or why it’s hard to convince yourself to be sexy or romantic? The only answer is: you’re not giving enough time to one very important area in your life. You.

And, you can bring your household back into a pleasant place to relax, unwind, and connect with those you love most. The way you achieve any goal is first to define the goal, create a strategy, and identify the actions you need to take on a daily basis to achieve the goal.

Goal: Everyone’s sanity, health, and a functional well-adjusted family.

Strategy: Build in at least 4-6 hours per day where the pace is easy-going. Make sure at least 1 of these hours is 1-on-1 time with just your “self.”

NOTE: No other distractions allowed. TV, texting, phone calls, internet—Banned.

Actions: Every day during the school week my family will:

  • Use this time to cook meals and chat with family about the day.
  • Pack lunches together.
  • Do the dishes, unload dishes, or fold laundry while catching up.
  • Spend time in the same bed or on the same couch cuddling and hugging.
  • Sit down to breakfast and dinner all together.
  • Demand quiet play time for everyone in the household.

During quiet time…Light some candles, diffuse essential oils, run the bath. This may be a good time for you to check email or make a quick phone call as the bath fills. But, guess what? Once the tub is full—it’s time for alone time for you.  Read a chapter of a good novel & then wash your hair. The point for you during quiet time is to relax. (You’ve been connecting and nurturing during some of the chores & meals.)

As a woman you’ll replenish your stress-reducing hormone, oxytocin.  You do this by nurturing and caring for others or yourself. The key is no expectations can be attached. If someone is expecting you to do something, oxytocin isn’t produced as readily.

The point for a guy during quiet time is to do an activity that is less mentally challenging or doing nothing…, however, his stress-reducing hormone is testosterone. There really is a biologically proven reason why guys drop to the couch at the end of the day.

Same goes for your kids. They need to produce stress-reducing hormones too. It keeps everyone’s digestion moving, makes for more restful nights, strengthens your immune system, and improves your relationships.

The more we’re able to disengage ourselves from distractions, the more time we will have both for ourselves, and for our families. In a society where the divorce rate has tipped to over 50%, don’t you owe yourself this break, this chance, to keep your body healthy, your sanity in-tact, and to continue to model balance to your children?

We all need down-time in our schedules. If 4-6 hours seems too much at first, set another target number, and work backwards from there. Just remember it’s non-negotiable. We can’t change our circadian rhythm, and we cannot change how many hours are in a day. We start early teaching kids’ routines and schedules (including nap time) for a reason. Be a do as I say, just like I do mom. You and your kids will thank you for it.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Get Gorgeous Results with Joy

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

The instant fix to look immediately ravishing is feeling joyful. When you radiate joy, then not only do people notice you, but they want to be around you more often. Do you experience joy on a daily basis? Is this realistic? We here at Mars Venus Coaching think it is—and when you’re able to experience and share joy with others daily, then this also makes you a humbler, more compassionate person as well. No need for a trip to the doctor’s or cosmetologist’s office, the answer lies with you—in your head. You may have heard that a smile opens doors, but what we’re talking about here is pure joy.

Wanting or thinking about being happy or joyful does not necessarily make it so. You have to take a concrete step in order to make joy a part of your reality. It alleviates everything from depression to bad relationships. If you have either—or if you are overweight, dislike your job situation, your relationships aren’t as good as you’d like—then creating a 90 day plan with a coach who keeps you accountable just may help. Try it yourself first, then if you’re having trouble sticking to and articulating what you’re wishing and hoping for—then find yourself a coach that has all the qualities you’re looking to possess yourself.

To get started today below are a few daily scenarios with tips to help you reframe how you perceive your situation and see the joy in your daily life experiences.

On the way to work in a train, plane, or automobile:

Commute slow or lengthy or bogged down…focus on your senses. The smells, how it feels, and what you can hear, and what nature you can see. Look for the beautiful and be in awe. It could be a glimpse of green shrubbery, a whimsical cloud, a soaring bird, or a deer peeking out of the woods. Listening to favorite songs and singing or humming along also works!

At work:

Do the unexpected. Settle in to your routine and notice where your body is in relation to what you’re doing. If it feels tight or cramped, do something to alleviate the symptoms—walk outside to get some vitamin D from the sun and notice nature, go to the bathroom and do some stretches, give a compliment to a co-worker or a customer unexpected.

Coming home to a house—empty or full:

Gratitude or Create Beauty. Think of everything you have—shelter, safety, and pick up or look at one of your favorite things. Do something that creates beauty—whether it’s the perfect temperature bubble bath, or the perfect vegetable medley, messy finger paints with your kids, or a crazy haphazard waltz around the house with your loved ones. Engage and immerse yourself in your home and what makes you uniquely you and your family too. Silliness factors in big time!

In a conflict:

Stop. Before you say anything, STOP. Tell yourself STFU or WTF if you need to, but STOP. Before you say anything get into the mindset of the other person. If what you’d like to say will escalate the situation or cause hurt, then don’t. Deflect and deflate the situation by agreeing or redirecting to another topic. Then focus on how you can lift each other up, and how both sides can win.

Listening to the voices in your head:

Run like a kid. And, one of the best remedies is going for a long run in bare feet (or one of those shoes that let’s your arches do what they’re supposed to do and move). What? That’s right—if you can zone out and find yourself in the flow on a run, it doesn’t have to be fast (and it doesn’t have to be without shoes), just start out remembering how you used to do it as a kid. You can also run-walk, but the focus here is to do it like a kid. Remember the thrill of just moving your body and not knowing for how far or how long or how fast you’re trying to do something. The voices will be silenced, and in its place: serene joy.

The more you find yourself throughout the day in the present moment enjoying each sensation and interaction as it happens the more you will be “in” joy. You can do this while parenting, on dates, or all by yourself whenever you need a pick me up. Go ahead, take a picture or dig out an old one of when you were ecstatically happy—I don’t know a picture that isn’t beautiful when joy is present. That’s all it is—is being physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually here right now. Are you there yet? Questions, feel free to ask!

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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Assertive Communication with Gender-Based Sales

Monday, August 22nd, 2011

There is often failure and setbacks as we grow and change. All successful ventures which involve other people rely on the strength of our communication skills to hear and understand the needs of others. Being able to put this into practice day in and day out in both our personal and professional lives is what determines our lifelong success rates. Being able to communicate assertively (not passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively) is critical, but so is saying the right things when you are buying or selling based on gender preferences.

Using gender preferences when selling shows your capability: to tune into your client’s preferences, to be a reflective listener, and see their point of view. An assertive communicator is a good listener. Rephrasing what someone has said before you give your own input ensures (especially if you’re talking to the opposite sex) you hear them, and in return will be able to meet their needs. It gives the other person a chance to say, “yup, that’s what I said,” or “um, no, what I was saying was…”

Below are some gender-based preferences for buying and selling that serve as a guide to being a more effective sales person. Remember these are not absolutes, but guidelines, as there are also: (1) personality, (1) cultural, (3) generational, and (4) religious cues you need to be aware of when making a sale to the client sitting directly in front of you.

Female Preferences:

  1. Female prospects after an initial proposal may place an order and be more talkative after they’ve had a few days to think about it.
  2. During the early stages of a relationship with a new client, a female client is more likely to hold your feet to the fire on your statement that you have made a “casual commitment” to them.
  3. Female clients prefer that you listen with 100% attention when selling to them.
  4. Pausing before presenting your solution (even if you already have a solution) is more socially acceptable to female clients, because they want to be a part of coming up with the solution and do not want the solution rushed.
  5. Female clients prefer to know how the product will meet their needs when buying.
  6. When a female client or coworker is stressed about a problem she is more likely to walk around talking to coworkers rather than shutting the door and working out the problem.
  7. Boasting or self-promoting to female clients can turn them off to a sale.
  8. Female clients may not like it if you have all the answers to their objectives at the tip of your tongue. Female clients may be more inclined to do business with you if you hold back on giving all the answers, and offering to do research and get back to them for some of their questions.
  9. Female clients would most appreciate it if you showed them how to be happier at their job.
  10. Taking time to bond well the first time you meet a female client prior to starting the sales “pitch” is suggested as it shows you are taking time to get to know her as a person, before offering her a product or service.
  11. Female clients may need the most time to think an offer through so they do not feel rushed to make a decision.
  12. Female clients prefer being shown respect rather than appreciation when you are dealing with them.

Male Preferences:

  1. Male prospects make quicker decisions after receiving a sales proposal.
  2. Male clients prefer to know your credentials and dwell on them before making a sale.
  3. After the sales proposal has been made, if the offer is higher than what he expected to pay for your goods or services, male prospects are more likely to be quieter during this meeting.
  4. Male prospects tend to favor being shown appreciation rather than respect when selling a service or product.
  5. When making your point make sure you are clear in your message to male clients.
  6. Male clients prefer quick solutions to a problem.
  7. Male clients prefer people to be brief and come to the point quickly when making a sale.
  8. Male clients need the most space to think alone after a proposal submission has been made.
  9. You may bond better with male clients if you show how your product will meet a specific need.
  10. It tends to matter much more to a male client that you demonstrate extensive product knowledge than it does to female clients.
  11. Male clients prefer to have all the answers ready.
  12. Male clients appreciate and are more inclined to deal with you when you focus on showing them how to be successful at their job.

Did these preferences make you smile about your own buying habits too?

Whether it’s growing a business, achieving your dreams, pursuing professional objectives, or having quality relationships—it takes sweat, effort, and work. I apply these principles of assertive communication and gender-based sales with friends and clients whether they are growing their small businesses or working on finessing themselves and finding compatible life partners. Why? If we are not staying true to our client’s values and character as they attempt to grow professionally, then we’re offering temporary fixes that are shallow and short-lived. Whenever we make a commitment to growth, before we achieve our desired end state we have to invest in ourselves to bring about the change we desire. Are you ready to invest in your people skills?

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd

Mars Venus Coaching

Corporate Media Relations

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