Single Ladies Give Yourself a Gift This Year

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Oxytocin is a stress-reducing hormone released in women. When a woman does something that produces Oxytocin, her Cortisol (stress hormone) levels begin to drop, and she starts to feel less stressed and more relaxed. Below is a list of 10 sure-fire ways a woman can produce Oxytocin for herself this coming Mother’s Day. Some of them might just surprise you.

  1. Get a massage
  2. Get your hair done
  3. Get a manicure or pedicure
  4. Take yourself on a shopping spree
  5. Volunteer or give to a charity
  6. Go to the theatre, a concert, or a dance performance
  7. Host an intimate gathering of your closest friends
  8. Spend time at the beach, a river, or a lake
  9. Go to an art museum or a cultural event
  10. Handwrite your future self (and a few close friends if you like) a love note

Score Big on Valentine’s Day

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Valentine’s Day is closing in on all of us, and many of us are beginning to think about how to score big points with our sweethearts. How can men and women score big over Valentine’s Day? What if we knew how the opposite sex keeps score? What we may not know is that the way men and women score points with the opposite sex is NOT the same. We are from two different planets. Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus. From the ways we communicate to the ways we reduce our stress, we do it differently. For example, at the end of a long day, men like to go to their “cave” to begin unwinding from the stressors of the day, and generally, women, well, they need to connect, talk it out, and nurture to reduce their stress levels.

For men, the easiest analogy to use is how you go about giving your darling the dozen roses that so typify Valentine’s sales. You will score MORE points if you give your girl twelve roses spread out over time (say in the days leading up to and past Feb 14th) than if you a dozen that one time on Valentine’s Day. For each act of kindness, you get 1 point in the Venusian world. There is no sense arguing about it. Ask any woman, and she will tell you it’s true. She keeps score by how many things you do for or notice about her. You also get a point each time you notice the things she does for you…like wearing a cute outfit (“Wow, babe, you look great in those jeans!”), getting a new hairstyle (“I like the way you did something different with your hair, it lights up your eyes.”), or filling up your gas tank (Wow, sweetie, thanks for filling the car while you shopped for groceries!”). When you do the little things like put your plate in the dishwasher instead of the sink (if that’s what makes her happy), give her a kiss when either of you comes/leaves home, notice her nails are done, etc. You get 1 point for each item.

Aside from any hopes of compounding their interest…Martians tend to wipe the slate clean after you score big; however, Venusians remember everything. Unfortunately, MEN, if you forget to notice her new manicure, Venusians then take that point away. The Venusian tally never stops, just like a Venusian’s never-ending to-do list. So MEN, if you’ve been in the dog house. There is hope! You can come out on top. The BIGGEST way to rack up points (and sometimes the fastest) is when you just sit and listen to her talk. The key here is she talks, and you do not give advice. See, for every minute you sit and listen, and do not say anything except “mm-hmm” or “oh, wow!” or “really?” you score a point! Typically, for women the talking reduces stress, which makes her happier, and what follows gentlemen and ladies is that she will probably be more in the mood for intimacy. Non-sexual touch (little kisses, pats on the tooshie, hugs, cuddling on the couch, holding her hand) for no reason–are quick, easy ways you can add up points throughout the day. When you remember and do the little things that make her happy, you’ll send her to the moon.

Now WOMEN: when you acknowledge the little things your man is doing daily for you, this actually is one way for you to score big with him. Why? When a woman shows she is paying attention to how their man is providing, taking care of her, and keeping her safe and secure, she is helping her man to feel important and needed. When either person takes for granted any little thing the other does to sacrifice for the good of the relationship, you begin to build resentment. At the most basic level, guys need to feel like they are providing for the family, and women want to feel safe and secure. Another way for women to score big with their men let them relax by sitting on the couch, watching a game, surfing the internet, or taking a quick nap. Whatever it is they like to do for their hobby, or go to their “cave,” let them. Know it is not about you. They actually need this down time to replenish their testosterone levels (which reduces their stress), and then makes them more available to get back to you and your honey-do list.

How are you planning to score BIG around Valentine’s? Did you notice I said “around” instead of “on” that special sweetheart day? Another note, make sure you are genuine when communicating (both verbally and nonverbally) with the other person. Doing things by rote may backfire. And, if you’re in a relationship where it has been out of balance for a while, it may take many times of tallying up points before your love begins to open your sweetie’s heart again to freely trust and love. If you try to score points as a way to get your own needs met, then the giving is not done out of unconditional love and genuine want for the other’s needs to be met, and it probably will not work. For those of us still stuck about the little things we can do to show our love—let us know what you intend to do for Valentine’s.

Lyndsay Katauakas
Corporate Media Relations
Mars Venus Coaching

How to Get What You Want at Work – Tips for Dealing with the Opposite Sex at Work

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These tips are based on the Gender Intelligence from Mars Venus Coaching. There are 4 unique tips for women and 4 for men that, when practiced, reduce gender conflict and will have the following benefits:

  • Higher productivity and creativity
  • Greater cooperation and collaboration
  • Decreased loss of personnel, which leads to decreased cost & time spent on recruitment and training
  • Better understanding of the needs and concerns of your customers (regardless of whether they are internal or external customers), and
  • Better decision-making… a competitive advantage for the company as a whole when it maximizes masculine & feminine skills

Tips For Women

Women need to practice letting others know of their achievements, their results, and their ideas. Do not wait for someone to ask you for your ideas or what you’ve been up to – let them know. Men do not see this as bragging. What they see is a competent person. Women need to remember that men are socialized from an early age to suppress doubts and maintain either a façade or a reality of self-confidence. This is a great skill and essential in a situation where it is necessary to maintain status within a group. Being confident in promoting yourself will only improve levels of communication with men in the workplace.

Tips For Men

For men dealing with women, building rapport is a very easy and important way to improve their work dealings with women. Because relationships are important to women, if you make the effort to get to know them, or if they feel they have something in common with you, they are more likely to positively respond to your requests and ideas.

A female manager will typically tend to discuss a challenge or situation with others, seek their input and feedback from the team before making a recommendation to senior management. She thinks it’s important that everyone feels they have contributed to the decision and, therefore, are more likely to support it. This is her style of management. It is based on cooperation and collaboration (and a whole stack of other C words – conversation, connection, commiseration, and compassion). When a man values and frequently practices building rapport, another C word will be realized, and that is COOPERATION.

The whole premise of our “Mars and Venus in the Workplace” online video eWorkshop is that we are different and equal – not that one is better than the other – different and equal. Through awareness and understanding of some basic gender differences we both can learn some simple, yet practical solutions… making it much easier to interpret each other’s behavior correctly, act accordingly and ultimately get the outcome we desire.

If you found this information helpful, click here to learn more about the complete 5 week program, “Gender Intelligence Course”.

Transform your relationships with the Gender Intelligence Course! In just 5 live sessions, learn to bridge communication gaps, manage stress dynamics, and create deeper connections. Inspired by Dr. John Gray’s best-seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, this course offers lifetime access, science-backed tools, and personal coaching to help you build lasting harmony at home and at work.

The Relationships You Want. Start Here.

Mars Venus Coaching Team

5 Ways to Determine If Your Communication Style is Hurting Your Career

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Our communication style and approach speak volumes about how we view ourselves and others.  It also reveals important clues about our sense of worth, power, and ability to lead and manage effectively.  Everything we do is communication – we can’t NOT communicate.

Unfortunately, for a large number of professional women, communicating powerfully and authoritatively in the workplace and in their professional endeavors is a deep challenge.

Why do so many women struggle to be confident and authoritative communicators?

There are numerous colliding factors that contribute to women’s communication challenges in the workplace.

First, gender stereotypes abound.  For instance, research shows that success and likability in the professional arena are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women.  This means that the more “successful” or assertive a woman appears, the more she is judged negatively and disliked for it.  Being criticized harshly for success consciously and subconsciously impacts how strident, self-assured, and successful a woman wishes to appear.

Secondly, as senior leadership remains the bailiwick of men (women make up only 16% of senior corporate leadership in the U.S. today), a more “male” style of communicating remains dominant and is more accepted and understood.  Recent research findings have shown that men’s and women’s communication approaches differ in 10 important ways.  Further, men and women are culturally encouraged and trained (from early childhood on) to focus on different outcomes and tasks through their communication (and brain anatomy plays a part as well).  These core differences in style and approach affect how women’s communication is received and perceived.

Women can use the above realities as excuses to hold them back, or they can navigate through them, and insist on nothing less than powerful and authoritative communication.

Does your communication approach need modification?  Here’s how you can determine if your communication style is hurting your career:

1) People don’t respond well to your words and actions

In a seminar I gave last week at Pepperidge Farm on Fostering Collaboration in Communications and Relationships, we discussed how you can see, immediately, without question, how well you communicate by the outcomes you receive.

When you speak, or present at a meeting or run your staff meetings, what happens?  Do your colleagues respond positively?  Do they want to follow-up on your initiatives and suggestions, or shoot them down?  Do they support you, or criticize your contribution?  In the end, do you engender loyalty, support and trust, or do people walk over you or put you down when you communicate?

2) Your point doesn’t get made

Another indicator of your communication effectiveness is if you feel you get your point across, and that your input is considered.  When you speak, do others listen well, and get what you’re saying?  Does the conversation build on what you’ve offered, or does it veer off immediately to focus on another topic, or another person’s input?

3) You’re not taken seriously

You can’t grow your career and advance to leadership if you’re not taken seriously.  Do you communicate in a way that makes people believe that you know what you’re talking about?  Have you mastered the necessary information/skills/material you need to be an expert in what you’re sharing?  And can you communicate in a way that demonstrates your intellectual and professional abilities?  Have you developed the personal clout that will ensure you’ll be listened to, even if you don’t have the necessary data to support you at that moment?

4) There’s backlash from your words

If there’s negative backlash every time you offer a suggestion or initiative to consider, then it’s time to look at how (and why) you’re presenting your ideas.  Perhaps you haven’t considered the ramifications or repercussions of your ideas, or are threatening others without knowing it.  A powerful communicator knows his/her audience well, and understands the hidden agendas there.  S/he knows what to do to neutralize the fear others may have.  The effective communicator knows what emotions and thoughts her words will elicit in the mind of the listener.

5) Nothing is remembered from what you’ve shared

Finally, do you feel invisible?  Do you contribute at meetings or in conversation but simply get talked over, and no one recalls that you spoke?  If so, this is a sign that your internal and external “power” as a contributor and a player isn’t sufficient to hold others’ attention.  You can change your power quotient, but first you have to acknowledge the power dynamic at work.

If any of these outcomes describe your experience, it’s important to become accountable for what’s happening and not blame others.  After all, if you’re not getting the outcomes you desire, you have to look inward and own your part of it.

Kathy Caprino
Contributor – Forbes Magazine

Fathers and Daughters: Passing on the Family Business

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More women are taking over family-owned companies, but the handover isn’t always smooth

Family-owned companies account for 80 percent of all businesses worldwide, and about one-third of them are owned by women. Although U.S. Census data and recent research shows that daughters and wives are increasingly taking over family businesses, few studies have been done on the process. That’s the subject of a new book, Father-Daughter Succession in Family Business (Gower, 2011) by Daphne Halkias, a social science researcher at Cornell University and senior research fellow at the Center for Young & Family Enterprise at the University of Bergamo in Italy. The book seeks to illuminate the process of father-daughter succession around the globe and find ways to encourage it, Halkias says. She spoke recently to Smart Answers columnist Karen E. Klein. Edited excerpts of their conversation follow.

What got you interested in this topic?

In 2005, I was a visiting MBA professor in Greece. About half my students were women, many of them from family-owned businesses. They were concerned about succeeding their fathers, because many were only children, or one of two sisters, and they had a lot of emotional conflicts with their fathers.

What kinds of conflicts would arise?

She might want to take the initiative, but the father didn’t want to give up control. Or a father might be waiting for his daughter to get married, so she could do PR for the company and her husband would come in as a kind of surrogate son and successor.

You did surveys on this topic in various countries. What did you find?

Sons were gung-ho: 100 percent of them were ready to succeed their fathers in business. Most of the girls, however, did not want to continue in the family business. They wanted to be independent and go into business on their own. They adored their families, but they encountered so many cultural and emotional conflicts with their fathers, they wanted to leave or let a future husband take over the company.

What are some takeaways from the case studies in the book?

Across cultures, we saw the repeated desire to maintain harmonious family relationships. It’s as if the daughter were constantly involved in a course correction with every new and difficult step in the succession process, to ensure a state of community with the father and among the various stakeholders of the family business.

Are women gaining ground when it comes to family succession?

Women, and daughters specifically, have increased chances of higher education, and a younger generation of fathers are accepting women in the workforce. Consequently, [women] have quietly been ascending to the ranks of many lesser-known family businesses around the world.

What factors still hold women back from taking over a family company?

There is still gender and age bias. In some Asian cultures, especially, we found that a woman was able to move more easily within the business and within the succession process once she was married. In many cultures, it’s very difficult for a single woman to move in business circles.

Also in many cultures, unlike in Europe and the U.S., the extended family is very involved in a business. So conflicts might not just be between the father and daughter; male cousins and uncles, and brothers-in-law could get into the conflict also.

Were there any cultures you studied in which women were forbidden to assume control of a family business?

We did not find that anywhere, even in the most conservative cultures we studied. That might be surprising to us in the West, because we often have a narrow view of what goes on in other cultures. The reality is that women have made great strides all over the world and across many cultures, religious backgrounds, and geographic locations.

That desire for work-family balance keeps some women in the U.S. from taking top-level management jobs or becoming entrepreneurs. Did you see that in other cultures?

In certain countries, women don’t have a choice to remain single or not to have children. Their families arrange marriages for them within large circles of extended family and friends. But once they have children, the extended family gets involved in raising the children.

So two-career families have grandmothers and cousins and siblings, many of whom live in the same big building or the same neighborhood, and they all help out. It’s a very natural way of life, and in many cases, working women are not as isolated as they often are in the West.

Karen E. Klein
Karen E. Klein is a Los Angeles-based writer who covers entrepreneurship and small-business issues.

A Happier You

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The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances. These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.

eckhart tolle

  1. Don’t seek happiness. If you seek it, you won’t find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
  2. The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, “I am ruined” is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. “I have 50 cents left in my bank account” is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
  3. See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
  4. Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
  5. Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
  6. People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don’t realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn’t have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
  7. The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
  8. Equating the physical body with “I,” the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn’t mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body’s condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don’t equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
  9. You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
  10. If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.

Eckhart Tolle
Oprah.com   |   From the January 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

Exerpted from Oneness with All Life by Eckhart Tolle. Published by arrangement with Dutton, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc. Copywright © 2008 by Eckhart Tolle

Soul Mate Tips for Women

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Is there a lack of quality men in the dating pool? Women laugh and joke with their friends about this, but sometimes the more books and articles women read while sitting by the pool, the more true this sounds and feels. Why are only 48% of people between 25-55 years old married? Perhaps it’s due to our fast-paced lifestyles, on top of technological advances, and our ignorance of the differences in men’s and women’s physiology in response to stress, communication, diet, and nutrition. The good news is that both emotional intelligence and gender intelligence can be assessed, but more importantly, skills can be learned to increase your ability to have successful relationships—both personally and professionally.

Four Areas of Compatibility

We reduce our chances of finding our soulmate by becoming physical too soon, too often. A soul mate is a person who challenges us in all four areas:

  1. Intellectual,
  2. Emotional,
  3. Spiritual, and
  4. Physical

It is impossible to know if someone challenges you intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually if you become physical too soon.

Research shows love chemicals are released when you first make love with someone, stimulating the same areas of the brain as a cocaine high. The chemicals responsible for this feeling of falling in love remain in your body for up to 6-12 months after becoming intimate. It is not until 18-24 months into an exclusive dating relationship (when many people get married, and then divorce, thinking their relationship has fallen apart, because they got married…) that these chemicals leave your body.

There is no way around time. You need it to assess and see if your partner is compatible with you—your character, values, beliefs, and ability to grow with you throughout life’s events. It feels amazing to have sex, but it’s not always the best way to test if you are meant for someone. Casually dating many people at once gives you time to see who is the most compatible with you.

Get to know men in a variety of situations and with different people for 18-24 months before becoming physical. Historically, people courted with chaperones and spent time getting to know their date to see if they intellectually or emotionally challenged each other before they moved on to petting, holding hands, and being intimate.

Intellectual

Soul mates intellectually fulfill and challenge you. Not only will you need to rely on their skills for things like financial planning for your future, but as you age the physical aspects of a relationship may diminish as you age. What keeps people together is a mutual respect and appreciation of being encouraged to engage and pursue individual passions.

If you have children, much of your time during your child rearing years will be devoted to raising and developing children. This wears you down in a good way, but if there is no intellectual stimulation in your relationship, then you may begin looking elsewhere so you feel more than a milk machine and kisser of boo-boos.

Emotional

Same goes for emotional compatibility. Today we often place unrealistic expectations and unexamined assumptions on men to fill the space of girlfriends, because we have less time to spend connecting in community with other women. We expect our boyfriends or husbands to listen to us as we can hash out our days, because it makes us feel close and connected.

However, men typically communicate with others when they have thought through and have a solution or are solving a problem. This does not mean stop sharing your day with your boyfriend, but what it does come down to is when you are assessing your emotional compatibility you have to look at whether or not you are both emotionally open at the same level.

Ninety-three percent of communication is non-verbal, so when you’re testing compatibility look at how healthy you are together. Yelling, fighting, jealousy, name-calling, or being evasive are destructive behaviors. If you find this in your relationships, then before pursuing a long-term relationship it is best first to learn conflict resolution skills and ways to manage anger so that you are able to speak openly, honestly, and tactfully. All interactions should be ones where you are uplifting each other, not tearing down.

Spiritual

Over the years people’s spirituality grows and changes. In a long-term relationship the question to be asked is whether or not you are growing:

  1. in a similar direction,
  2. at a similar intensity/rate, and
  3. whether or not you’ll be able to allow each other to develop spiritually on both
    • an individual level, as well as
    • an entire family too.

If you never explore or ask the questions, or just assume you’re on the same page, then you could find yourself years down the road with a great schism running through your marriage. You’ve grown in different directions at different rates. This can lead to mid-life crises, and emptiness.

Physical

Once you’ve spent time growing as individuals while casually dating a few people at once, and you find yourself compatible on an intellectual, emotional, and then spiritual level—then decide to become exclusive and date only one person. If you’ve already become physical, you can always call a moratorium until you find out if you’re good together in the other areas. There’s a risk of bringing children into the equation, which complicates everyone’s growth and maturity. While you are parenting children you may end up parenting each other too. Men tend to jump right back into physical relationships after being hurt from previous ones. Women tend to take time to heal and trust again—and therein lays the dilemma of the current dating scene, and the pressure to perform first before dating around.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Mars Venus Parenting and Hot Steamy Sex

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Erotic and exciting sex is not only for the unattached or young. I’d even argue it gets better with age and knowing your partner. The biggest culprit to your sex life falling flat on its face while you’re raising kids starts with a T, although it’s not necessarily a lack of toys. It’s more likely that the offender we blame is: T…I…M…E, when really it’s our lack of prioritizing a hot sex life into our busy schedules.

When we don’t nurture and grow our sex life, then we often find that sex has left the premises. Not connecting often enough with your partner in this way can leave the door wide open to one or both of you straying—either in emotional or physical affairs. So how do you broach this sticky subject if one or both parents are stressed out and tired? Regardless if you’re a new mom figuring out your new body or if you’re pre-menopausal, you can implement these techniques immediately into your life with your partner.

I cannot say from experience how things go once the kids become cognizant of the mewling sounds coming from the bedroom, because our toddler is still a toddler. From our experience, we’ve followed the following tips, and they work. These ideas are also drawn from the expertise of John Gray, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of the Mars Venus series that the Mars Venus Coaches use to strengthen relationships with their clients and workshop customers.

Humor

Keeping the atmosphere light and pressure-free is an art. However, it is doable if humor is done without sarcasm or the intent to hurt or make you feel better at the expense of another. Maintaining a good sense of humor when things change in your body allows both partners to be uninhibited. And for both sexes, it can lead to more intimacy. Accepting and making light of the weird things our bodies do as they age, as they bounce back from childbirth, and begin drooping and sagging, is quite fun, especially if you’ve been together for a while, because you’ll be able to remember and still see your hot cutie when they were XX years young. When we do accept these changes with grace, then we are able to be freer in the bedroom with our partners.

Play

Remaining playful, joyful, and young at heart—especially with your partner or spouse—is critical to keeping all the pressures of a fast-paced society out of your sex life. Leaving sexy notes and playing out your fantasies with your partner keeps ennui at bay and keeps your sex life new and exciting. Telling your partner when someone else finds you attractive reaffirms being desired, while also keeping the sexual energy within your relationship, instead of giving it away.

Non-Sexual Touch

For women, it takes time to become sexually aroused. Women need to feel relaxed and that they’ve had sufficient time to take off their hats as mom, sister, daughter, housekeeper, and professional, before they feel like the sexy, hot playmate their partner may always see them as despite the messy pony-tail and spit up on their shirt. Taking time to sit beside a woman, or to give one another a foot or back rub, with no intention of this leading to sex can do wonders to turn women on as they anticipate sex later in the day.

Connecting not Necessarily Talking it Out

If you’ve gotten this far, and you are questioning how best to take action—wonderful! You do not need to talk about what you’re doing, just take action. If things are so tense or you’re so exhausted, humor, play, and non-sexual touch are three ways you can re-balance your relationship without adding more stress. The point is to re-connect. Quickie sex. Home-Cooked sex. Romantic sex. It can all be steamy. If you are counting on spontaneity, but then find one of you always bags out, then schedule a day and time each week so you both know that you’ll have time with one another.

Agree to Always Say Yes

Never say no.  This agreement ensures no one is ever turned down. Simple as that, and it works. This is when using a nonverbal signal such as three candles, like John Gray, Ph.D., suggests  lets the other person know you’re interested, and gives them time to get in the mood, or choose to have just a quickie instead.

Long Term Perspective

Our sex life in a long-term, committed relationship will ebb and flow. The key is being able to voice any dissatisfaction in a way that is nurturing not damaging. Complaining or putting your lack of a sex life down will not encourage more intimacy. Introducing eroticism and fantasy into your relationship can ensure that it remains monogamous, while also allowing both partners to freely explore their entire sexual depth.  Keeping things playful, humorous, and focused on connecting at deeper levels ensures a steamy sex life for years to come. Our bodies will change, we will go through life events, but if we embrace these events and are gentle with ourselves and our partners, then we’re able to continue growing together despite the odds.

For more information on Mars and Venus in the Bedroom go to John Gray’s, Ph.D., book of the same name. And, if you’re pressed for time you can also pick up more tips on healthy relationships with our online couse: Secrets of Successful Relationships.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Shaky Ground, Clear Heart

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The epicenter in Mineral, Virginia, where the 5.8 magnitude earthquake struck on August 23, 2011, was less than 30 miles from me. With telephone lines down, it looked like the 4th of July, with people over 300 miles away immediately posting updates on their Facebook pages to let friends and family know what happened and that they were okay. Life is always full of uncertainties. Sometimes it takes a natural occurrence like an earthquake not near a fault line or a tornado in an uncommon location to make us stop for a second and check in with our priorities.

I grew up in Alaska with daily earthquakes throughout the state. Earthquake drills are common practice at school, and watching blinds shake or being rolled out of bed was the norm. When things began creaking and shaking, I instinctively scooped up dog and kid and found myself waiting out the groaning, rattling, rumblings in our nearest, sturdiest doorframe. I was calmly explaining to my soon-to-be preschooler that the earth was shaking like big dinosaurs stomping around outside.

I figured, why not relate this to one of his beloved books, so it was a fun adventure, rather than a potential disaster? He asked if we should put our shoes on, and I said, “Sure, honey, when the chandelier stops swinging and the trees outside stop their staccato swaying.” Using a large vocabulary made me stay in the logical part of my brain, so I would stay calm rather than let my monkey brain create panic for us. Like all kids, he easily picks up the emotional nuances in our voices and faces to tell him how he should react—the shaking stopped, and he was excited to put on his shoes and explore outside as we checked for cracks. With my military background, my mind was also assessing the situation and hoping it was only an earthquake, and not another attack like 9-11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon inflicted by human beings angry at other human beings.

As I checked in with family and friends, I also found clients checking in with me. This brings me to my point: relationships. I created my business so I could spread and share unconditional love with as many people as possible. I believe we can all learn more life resiliency skills so that our relationships are healthier, and we’re able to stay more focused on the present and attaining our goals, which often correlate to cultivating and sharing our talents with others.

Mars Venus Coaching based on John Gray’s, Ph.D., wide body of male/female relationship dynamics, is different from other coaching systems, because it focuses on helping people to understand how to communicate with different types of people so they are valued, respected, and heard. Coaching is also different from traditional forms of therapy, because the focus is on the present and creating 90-day action plans that daily step clients closer to their life purpose and goals.

I believe we’re only here on Earth for a blink of an eye, and if we have our priorities straight, then we’re engaging with other people and making their lives a little easier to live and bear. There is a lot of potential to be self-involved, greedy, evil, judgmental, and close-minded. When we focus our attention in this direction, then we take our energy away from what I believe is our main purpose: relationships. Having successful relationships professionally and personally is a life well-lived. Your daily interactions with others, and how many close, quality relationships you have are indicators of whether or not you’re making a difference in the world.

Where were you and what were you thinking about when the 2.8, 2.2, 4.2, and 3.4 aftershocks in Central Virginia occurred in the ensuing hours? Did you even feel them? If you were nearby and felt any of the shaking—did you check in with family and friends? If you were further away and new of loved ones somewhere along the affected eastern coast of America did you check on them?

At the end of each day, regardless if there has been a life event that makes you wonder if you have your priorities straight—are you doing ALL you can do to express your gratitude and love for the people that make a difference in your life? Boot anger and low self-confidence out, and focus on what makes your relationships richer and more fulfilling—engage in the now, every day.

Are you committed to continuous relational growth? Are you ready to enhance your emotional intimacy and keep your love life strong with ongoing insights and tweaks? Discover the onlines couses at Mars Venus Coach Academy and bridge the communication gap and live the life you’ve dreamed.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

How to Manage a Micromanager

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If you’ve ever worked with a micromanager, you know how unproductive and demoralizing it can be. This control freak is reluctant to delegate, may second-guess everything you do, and can shake your confidence in your own abilities. Simple tasks that you could accomplish quickly if left to your own devices take twice as long. Your efforts may be reduced to dust as the micromanager completely re-does your work.

Sure, you may be tempted to bolt, but at a time of high unemployment, you might not have that option. So better to master the art of managing the micromanager.

Start by understanding what causes someone to act this way. Often it’s a need for control that stems from insecurity: lack of confidence, workplace instability, and pressure to produce–both individually and as a team. Deep-seated psychological issues and problems at home can also influence the way people behave at work. Many of us have the propensity to be a micromanager, but some of us rein it in better than others.

With this in mind, here are eight practical steps you can take.

1. Look for patterns.

As annoying as micromanagers are, they’re incredibly predictable. Watch for behavior swings. There will be certain situations, times of the day or week, when they get especially agitated. Knowing their pressure points can help you ease them.

2. Anticipate needs.

Once you know what triggers them, you can stay ahead of those stressors and ease the tensions early on. Flag potential problems before they escalate and offer solutions. Always have a stockpile ready of new initiatives and demonstrate that you are proactive. This helps them curb their responses to the pressure points without slipping into micromanagement mode.

3. Show empathy.

Remember, the micromanager is under pressure to produce. Show that you understand his or her plight and are willing to share the load. This could be as simple as offering to help. Tomorrow might be the day when this colleague has to take a child to school, but also has an early meeting. So today ask what you can do to make life easier tomorrow.

4. Be super reliable.

It’s much easier to manage an office where everyone turns up on time and meets work deadlines. This goes back to the fact that a micromanager hates feeling out of control. If some members of the team don’t deliver, the micromanager gets aggravated and makes unfair demands on everyone else. Discuss as a team what you can do to coordinate things in such a way that there’s no need for the micromanager to fret about how everything is running.

5. Be a role model.

Treat the micromanager the way you would like to be treated. Give the micromanager space. Don’t smother or micromanage back. In working with other people, show how your management style is different –and gets equally good results.

6. Speak up—gently.

Often micromanagers are oblivious to the effect they are having on other people. They actually think all their micromanaging is producing a better work product. Show encouragement and support for the micromanager’s strengths. Then, without being confrontational, find a way to let this person know how micromanagement affects you. A little levity could diffuse the tension. Or you might just ask how he or she thinks it feels to be second-guessed and mistrusted all the time.

7. Enlighten others.

It’s not just you who should be shouldering the responsibility of neutralizing someone’s instinct to micromanage. And chances are you’re not the only one suffering either. Explain to others on your team what you’re doing to ease the micro-manager’s anxiety and encourage them to do the same.

8. Run interference.

If a micromanager reports to you and has a detrimental effect on other team members, be a sounding board. Often the micromanager has a skill or quality that’s important to the organization. But it’s up to this manager’s boss to play a leading role in preventing other team members from getting squelched.

Deborah L. Jacobs
Forbes Staff