Stress – Mars Venus Coach Site

Single Ladies Give Yourself a Gift This Year

in Dating, Relationships, Starting Over, Stress

Oxytocin is a stress-reducing hormone released in women. When a woman does something that produces Oxytocin, her Cortisol (stress hormone) levels begin to drop, and she starts to feel less stressed and more relaxed. Below is a list of 10 sure-fire ways a woman can produce Oxytocin for herself this coming Mother’s Day. Some of them might just surprise you.

Get a massage
Get your hair done
Get a manicure or pedicure
Take yourself on a shopping spree
Volunteer or give to a charity
Go to the theatre, a concert, or a dance performance
Host an intimate gathering of your closest friends
Spend time at the beach, a river, or a lake
Go to an art museum or a cultural event
Handwrite your future self (and a few close friends if you like) a love note

A Happier You

in Relationships, Starting Over, Stress

The greatest goal you can set this year is to make peace with your life, no matter your circumstances. These 10 powerful insights from Eckhart Tolle will get you started.

eckhart tolle

Don’t seek happiness. If you seek it, you won’t find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness. Happiness is ever elusive, but freedom from unhappiness is attainable now, by facing what is rather than making up stories about it.
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral, which always is as it is. There is the situation or the fact, and here are my thoughts about it. Instead of making up stories, stay with the facts. For example, “I am ruined” is a story. It limits you and prevents you from taking effective action. “I have 50 cents left in my bank account” is a fact. Facing facts is always empowering.
See if you can catch the voice in your head, perhaps in the very moment it complains about something, and recognize it for what it is: the voice of the ego, no more than a thought. Whenever you notice that voice, you will also realize that you are not the voice, but the one who is aware of it. In fact, you are the awareness that is aware of the voice. In the background, there is the awareness. In the foreground, there is the voice, the thinker. In this way you are becoming free of the ego, free of the unobserved mind.
Wherever you look, there is plenty of circumstantial evidence for the reality of time—a rotting apple, your face in the bathroom mirror compared with your face in a photo taken 30 years ago—yet you never find any direct evidence, you never experience time itself. You only ever experience the present moment.
Why do anxiety, stress, or negativity arise? Because you turned away from the present moment. And why did you do that? You thought something else was more important. One small error, one misperception, creates a world of suffering.
People believe themselves to be dependent on what happens for their happiness. They don’t realize that what happens is the most unstable thing in the universe. It changes constantly. They look upon the present moment as either marred by something that has happened and shouldn’t have or as deficient because of something that has not happened but should have. And so they miss the deeper perfection that is inherent in life itself, a perfection that lies beyond what is happening or not happening. Accept the present moment and find the perfection that is untouched by time.
The more shared past there is in a relationship, the more present you need to be; otherwise, you will be forced to relive the past again and again.
Equating the physical body with “I,” the body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die, always leads to suffering. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn’t mean that you no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can appreciate those attributes—while they last. You can also improve the body’s condition through nutrition and exercise. If you don’t equate the body with who you are, when beauty fades, vigor diminishes, or the body becomes incapacitated, this will not affect your sense of worth or identity in any way. In fact, as the body begins to weaken, the light of consciousness can shine more easily.
You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge.
If peace is really what you want, then you will choose peace.

Eckhart Tolle
Oprah.com | From the January 2009 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine

5 Signs It’s Time to Reprioritize

in Parenting, Relationships, Starting Over, Stress

During Lent, many people often give up or do without as they contemplate their spiritual beliefs and how Jesus Christ’s life and death personally affect how they live their lives on a daily basis. Regardless of whether you’re Christian or not, the Lenten season typically provides an opportunity for quiet self-reflection during observation of the Holy days. If it feels like you’re one step away from spending an entire day in bed or just vegetating, then read on to see if you’re in need of reprioritizing.

1. You consistently add more to your To-Do List than you cross off

Sometimes it helps to pause and see the long-term (a couple of months or more) and short-term (every week or daily) reasoning behind why you’re driving yourself so hard. If you’re able to sense that the upcoming week will be packed, then it behooves you to slow down the following week.

Solution: If one day is super busy, then plan to have more downtime the next day to recover or attend to what wasn’t finished the previous day. This only works if you have set busy/recovery times.

2. Forgetting important details

If you find that you cannot remember what you did an hour earlier, or are trying to remember if you had made an appointment for your personal health earlier in the year, then you may be overworked.

Solution: In this case, a planner comes in extremely handy. Use it to look things up and to keep track going forward. If you’re so busy, you’re unable to recall with your memory, then you may be doing too many things at once and will need to slow down and do less.

3. Work through breaks and lunch

Stop. Our bodies need nourishment and time off several times during the day. Being on “go” all day, with no moments to savor a cup of tea or chew our food thoroughly, enjoying the bursts of flavor, not only affects our waistlines and digestion, it also affects our resiliency to stress.

Solution: Put down your pen, back away from the computer, and turn off your phone. Spend the 15-, 30-, or hour-long break being in the present moment, being aware of what your senses are telling you, and enjoying the respite from work.

4. You commit to meetings and helping others, and your work performance suffers

If you find yourself saying yes when your plate is already too full, or you are being given too many tasks by your boss (or pressure from yourself) to be able to complete in a regular work day, and you’re unable to tie up your loose ends each week, then you may need to re-evaluate what’s important.

Solution: Sit down over the weekend with your planner. Pencil everything that must get done next week. Schedule the day and time when you’ll get these high priority items done. If you don’t know until the morning of each day, then estimate how long you can devote to the last minute high priority items, and block this amount of time out. Then, as you’re given more things to do, as you create your daily agenda, and there’s no time to add the new tasks, write them into your schedule for the next day. If you have to negotiate what to leave on and take off the agenda with someone, your written schedule provides a visual aid with which to make your point.

5. You feel resistance, lethargy, exhaustion, and anxiety whenever you think of what needs to be done

If you find yourself getting overwhelmed or anxious that your slate is never wiped clean, then you may need to take a break so you can gain a fresh perspective to improve your mood.

Solution: Take a half a day or an entire day off so you can get away to refresh your batteries. Do not think about what needs to be done, just give yourself permission to relax and spend time doing the things you love by yourself and with the people you love.

If you regularly experience three or more of these signs, then it may be time to take a hard look at your schedule so you don’t burn out. And, if you’re burnt out, then it will take longer than just a day to regain your equilibrium. Be gentle with yourself, and give yourself permission to slow down. If it’s a question of how to enforce your boundaries better with others so you don’t take on too much, then learn how to set boundaries and manage your time. It’s never too late to learn.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MeD
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Shiny Happy People At Work

in Stress, Workplace

It’s been quite some time since I actually worked in an office, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. The room layout, the fluorescent lights, my cubicle partners, the weekly birthday celebrations complete with sheet cakes and balloons. Although I have been an entrepreneur for over 10 years, I have fond memories of my work experience, and I wouldn’t change a moment of it. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always rosy; in fact, I was fired from my first real job.

Boy, was that a painful experience! Fresh out of college and working for Capitol Records as an assistant in the International Marketing Department, I was going to weekly concerts, meeting recording artists, and having the time of my life. That was the fun part. The work part was a little more difficult. My assistant skills were slim at best, and I had a female boss who was less than friendly. Everything I did was wrong, and she was always correcting me. The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when I went over my boss’s head to her superior to ask special permission for something that she said no to. Needless to say, it did not end well. I did, however, learn a valuable lesson that has stuck with me to this day, and that is to be deferential to your superiors, especially your immediate boss!

Why am I telling you this story? Because even though I got fired in the end, I realized that I truly enjoyed working! I liked dressing for work, I appreciated interacting with my co-workers, I relished meeting the clients, and I appreciated the sense of accomplishment I felt at the end of the day. Sound familiar? For many people, this is not the tune they sing. There is more of a solemn tune of drudgery filled with sayings that start with “Ugh, do I have to go to work today?” or “Is tomorrow really Monday? I think I’ll call in sick.”

Since we spend so many of our waking hours at the office, it behooves us to invest a little more effort into putting on a shiny, happy face for work. It can be your greatest asset! A good attitude is integral to any office environment, whether it consists of 2 workers or 200. Turning a negative attitude into a positive one can help you make the most of your workday. Here are a few workplace etiquette tips we hope will help keep things peaceful and positive in your work environment.

Wrap Up Your Troubles

Pack up your troubles in a nice box, wrap them with a bow, and set the imaginary package on a shelf in your home. Everyone has a certain amount of stress that they can’t seem to shake. The daily pressures of living in today’s world can bring about a whole host of physical and mental problems that can cause loss of concentration, scattered thoughts, and general lack of focus at work. The act of putting our troubles away before we leave the house frees us of that heavy weight and allows for a much more positive atmosphere at work.

Make A Conscious Effort

The word “work” may conjure up images that are less than desirable, but they don’t have to be debilitating. If we take on the mindset of putting 100% effort into our performance at work, the day will automatically go more smoothly. Get in the habit of displaying impeccable work habits, arriving on time, working to your full potential and staying focused and you will be surprised at the great things you can achieve.

Give Co-workers Their Space

There’s been a great deal of talk about cubicle etiquette and allowing our colleagues their space even if they are not surrounded by four walls. This is an important point that many do not take into consideration and can raise the tension level at work. So be considerate of your co-worker and (a) don’t enter another person’s cubicle unless you are invited, (b) refrain from interrupting a person who is on the phone, (c) be mindful of conducting loud conversations, and (d) avoid applying strong perfumes and eating pungent foods. Bear in mind that your cubicle is a direct reflection of you. Keep it neat and orderly and be respectful of others.

Be A Team Player

As the saying goes, there is no “I” in team. When you arrive at work, it is much easier to be cooperative, kind and patient towards others than it is to remain solitary. Support your colleagues by asking their input and valuing their remarks. Be a problem solver by offering to assist wherever help is needed. Refrain from gossip or slander and keep private matters confidential. Act as a source of encouragement to everyone and pay deference to your superiors. These characteristics will not only classify you as a dependable worker, but they may also result in greater opportunities for advancement.

Guarantee Job Security

A bad attitude can lead to permanent repercussions. In today’s highly competitive marketplace, one cannot afford to be branded as difficult or sensitive. If there is a particular struggle at work, nip it in the bud by giving others the benefit of the doubt or letting things roll off your shoulders once in a while. Taking steps to improve your disposition will lead to a much more positive outcome and make you a valuable asset rather than a disposable liability.

Now, we know it is virtually impossible to be the happy, peppy face of positivity all the time. At one point or other, you are bound to hit a wall at work. When this happens, acknowledge it, take a few deep breaths and remember you have the power within you to turn it around. If all else fails, put on a smile and fake it till you make it. Eventually, you will lighten up and all will be well again.

Lisa Gache
Beverly Hills Manners’ CEO
Lisa Gaché, is one of the foremost etiquette, manners and life skills experts. Her educational and entertainment company, founded in 2006, is recognized for its new school approach. Lisa has appeared in the media and contributed to various outlets, including CNN, NPR, “The Today Show,” KTLA-TV, Radio Disney, Woman’s Day, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, The New York Post and The New York Daily News. Her contributions to blogs and websites range from the Los Angeles Times, AOL, The Huffington Post and Weddzilla. Gaché has also been a guest expert on number of reality shows including VH1’s “Charm School” and Discovery Channel’s “Living with Ed.”

Feeling Overwhelmed?

in Starting Over, Stress

Are you burned out from doing too many things all of the time? Here are four things you can do daily to proactively feel energized and stress-free. There is one question you need to ask and remind yourself of daily to help you reprioritize what’s important to you.

What is your strategic objective? The second thing you must do to feel and be on top of things is to prioritize what must be done and finished each day. And the third thing: work your to-do list. If you’re thinking, “yeah, but I already do this” or “right—that’s not gonna work.” The one thing you may have forgotten to include on your to-do list is: PLAY! And play is non-negotiable; it’s even more important than your dentist appointment or paying your bills.

Let me explain.

Tip #1: What is Your Strategic Objective?

Another way to ask this is “What is your purpose in life?” Or another way is to look at the patterns in your life of lessons learned…and ask yourself what themes consistently run through your life? For some people, it may be to help others, or to grow well-adjusted kids within an intact family, or to pursue their talents in a job that pays well and lets them find balance.

If you can identify what motivates you to accomplish things that make you feel complete and successful in life, you can then cross off anything on your calendar that is a TIME WASTER. If you’re doing something that doesn’t fit with your vision for yourself, then don’t do it. If you have to do it, then figure out a way to relate it to your strategic objective. Otherwise, you will wind up grumpy and dissatisfied, or like you’re always doing for other people. If you don’t know what your vision, strategic objective, or life purpose is—explore. Find it. And then make sure 80% of your day is taken up with doing activities that relate to this purpose.

Tip #2: Create a Weekly To-Do List AND a Daily Plan of the Day

Items needed: Calendar/Planner, Weekly To-Do List, Daily To-Do List, Pen, 20 minutes 1x/week, Partner and/or Kids (if you’re in a relationship and/or raising a family).

On your calendar, put down any appointments or things you have scheduled involving other people/work/exercise/meal preparation/bill paying/kids.

Then look at the next seven days. On your Weekly To-Do List write out all of your to-do’s that relate to your strategic objective first. Then write out the activities from you calendar.

Looking at this list highlight or circle those that are urgent—meaning they must be completed this week. Underline or highlight in a different color those things that are important.

If there are things that are neither urgent or important, then send regrets or reschedule to a more open week.

Tip #3: Create a Daily To-Do List, 7 days a week

Items needed: Weekly To-Do List, Daily To-Do List, Pen, Highlighter(s), 15 minutes each day.

Block out 2-4 hours each day for YOU. This can be done in increments of 5 minutes or in 2 hour blocks. This time you are blocking out is for you to do stress-reducing activities aside from working out. These stress-reducing activities are for you to spend time EVERY day slowing down the pace, and doing activities that rejuvenate and refocus you. They are non-negotiable. And it doesn’t work if you save up for rainy days. Your body needs this TIME to slow down and replenish it’s stress-reducing hormones.

Each evening before you go to bed make a daily plan for the following day of what HAS to get done (i.e. your URGENT items). If you didn’t finish something from the day before, it goes to the top of your list for the following day.

In the morning re-visit the list you made from last night.

If you’re working with a coach, then your strategic objective would also incorporate visualizing the KPIs you’ve set for yourself and your identified goals.

Tip #4: Play

Take your lunch breaks, drop what you’re doing when you begin to feel overwhelmed or stressed out and do an oxytocin-producing activity if you’re a woman, or a testosterone-producing activity if you’re a man to flush the stress-producing hormone, cortisol, out of your system.

Seize the day!

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

5 Ways Stress Affects Your New Year’s Resolutions

in Stress

We often make New Year’s Resolutions at the stroke of midnight. We choose to improve things we’re unhappy with about ourselves. What we forget to think about is how stress affects whether or not we’ll actually follow through and stick with our resolutions for however long they’ll take to accomplish.

1. We forget there are good (and bad) stressors that knock us off track.

Did you know there are two types of stressors: good and bad? Both cause an elevated spike in our stress-producing hormones: cortisol and adrenaline. We often forget that the good stressors can stress us out. Even if we’re anticipating good stressors like: births, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, parties, and other celebrations…we can still end up feeling overwhelmed or anxious about the event. Our good intentions to follow through on our resolution to exercise, lose weight, sleep more, eat healthy, invest money, etc., often are the first things to fall by the wayside.

2. Stress is stress.

If our bodies have excess cortisol and adrenaline, then despite our best intentions, we find ourselves going back to old habits. Why? It’s easier, it feels safe, and our energy is going towards ridding our bodies of excess cortisol and adrenaline. It takes over 90 days for new behaviors to become automatic habits. When you’re resolving to do something new or different, concerted effort must be taken to think and then act on the new behaviors. If your motivation is down, then it becomes difficult to convince and hold yourself to carrying through with your new resolutions.

3. We ignore our bodies’ warning signals…physically.

Fatigue, headaches, indigestion, migraines, weight gain, high blood pressure, clenched jaws, tight muscles, not being able to slow down/relax, and insomnia are signs of too much stress.

4. We ignore our bodies’ warning signals…emotionally.

Feelings of being alone, overwhelmed, unsupported, anxious, ignored, unimportant, rushed, or angry mean:

Women—we do not have enough of our stress-producing hormone, oxytocin.
Men—we do not have enough of our stress-producing hormone, testosterone.

5. We ignore our bodies’ warning signals…mentally.

We set ourselves up for failure when we heed the negative talk in our heads. Fogginess, confusion, and black and white/all-or-nothing thinking are signs that your brain is not working at peak capacity.

Solutions

When making your resolutions, plan around and anticipate that BIG life events (good stressors) will happen sometime during the year.
Make your resolutions have specific start and end dates.
Pencil in the dates on your calendar for the fun and happy events (good stressors) that you already know will occur.
Plan down-time into your life, so you can off-set stress and replenish your stress-reducing hormones. You need to do stress-reducing activities daily to keep stress levels low.
Sit down with your calendar, and write in your start and end dates for your resolutions.
When you do have bad stressors happen—like accidents, deaths, illnesses—re-visit and re-define your new end date for your resolutions.
Find someone who can keep you accountable. When you ask someone to help keep you on track—make sure they are willing to give you feedback. When you’re held accountable and have access to objective constructive criticism to what’s working and what’s not working is a great way to fireproof your resolution and ensure 100% commitment to accomplishing your goal(s).

Life happens. When we’re able to roll with the unexpected changes, then we can do things pro-actively to work with both kinds of stressors so our stress levels remain low and our motivation high. It’s when we forget to plan ahead for the contingencies that we lose motivation.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Black Friday Traditions

in Parenting, Relationships, Stress

Have you ever been to a Black Friday sale? Do you ever wonder what all the excitement is about? Given today’s economy, more and more people are looking to get more out of and for their money. Gifts are traditionally given as a sign of gratitude, thoughtfulness, or celebration of special events. If you have a long list of gifts to buy for the upcoming holiday season, what is the best choice the day after Thanksgiving: shopping or spending quality time relaxing with those closest to you?

Shopping

Some people like buying just to acquire things. Getting up early or sleeping in lines to get the best deals can reinforce spending time with loved ones if you are doing the shopping with them, or it could take a more materialistic bent. Snatching up objects with little thought to whom or what they are intended for can add both mental and emotional clutter to your life.

Here are some tips to stay focused on connecting with others throughout the gift searching and giving season. As you score on great deals, keep in mind that gifts are given to connect with others and show them you care or are thinking about them.

Identify your budget for the holiday season.
Create a List of people important to you whom you’d like to find gifts.
Write down gifts that each person on your list may like to receive.

Taking a few minutes to identify what the perfect gifts would be for whom you would like to buy gifts for can prevent you from grabbing, snatching, and overspending. If you enjoy making things, then you can also think about things you can hand-make, too.

It should never be about how much a gift costs, but the thought and effort put into picking out just the right gift that reflects celebrating your relationship with one another.

What’s the Real Purpose?

I believe the real reason why we want to get good deals is so we can let those in our lives know how much we care about them. When you find good deals, do you:

Buy more presents so you can give gifts to more people or
Save and have peace of mind that you didn’t break the bank?

If you have family or friends in town, or if you’ve traveled to be with loved ones over Thanksgiving, you have to choices—take them with you as you go shopping or stay at home! Both ways you can connect and share laughs and memories together.

Whenever we have family and friends in town to give thanks together we tend to choose relaxing, chatting, and connecting with one another. And to us Black Friday is the perfect excuse to stay in and focus on family, because we hear it’s a crazy jungle out there!

Regardless of whether you stay in or go shopping on Black Friday, do you find yourself year in and year out using this day to think about and or connect with your loved ones? What’s your Black Friday tradition?

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations