Tips for the Workplace

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We expect our first posting caused you to look at the importance of promoting yourself if you are a woman, or the importance of taking the time necessary with your female colleagues to build rapport if you are a man. These tips alone can increase both our and our organization’s effectiveness. Did you apply one of these tips since the last email? Remember, thinking about them does not make them effective. Taking action, implementing them does. We must always remember that the whole premise of the Mars and Venus in the workplace is that we are different and equal – not that one is better than the other – different and equal.

Tip for Women

One of the ways women undermine their own abilities in the workplace is by using tag endings. These are a couple of little words that are often added on to the end of a sentence, like “isn’t it”, “is that ok”, “maybe”, “I think”. These tiny words serve to make you look unsure and change a sentence or what could be a powerful statement into a question. For example, “We should close down our manufacturing division because it is consistently losing money” is a powerful statement. “We should close down our manufacturing division because it is consistently losing money, shouldn’t we?” shows that you don’t really know if it is a good idea or not. With this new awareness, avoid these words that will otherwise reflect some degree of uncertainty.

Tip for Men

Men, when there are women involved in an open discussion, try to remember that it is not their natural tendency to speak over the top of others. If she is not freely contributing, ask for her opinion to draw her into the conversation. She most likely has something very valuable to say and will appreciate you for allowing her to speak. Please don’t speak for her, even if you perceive that it would be easier. Once she is speaking, try not to interrupt her. Practice your active listening skills. As a little aside, the number one complaint from women all over the world regarding relationships, both personal and business, is that they don’t feel heard.

If you found this information helpful, click to learn more about the Gender Intelligence Course. In just 5 live sessions, learn to bridge communication gaps, manage stress dynamics, and create deeper connections. Inspired by Dr. John Gray’s best-seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, this course offers lifetime access, science-backed tools, and personal coaching to help you build lasting harmony at home and at work.

The Relationships You Want. Start Here.

Mars Venus Coaching Team

Shiny Happy People At Work

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It’s been quite some time since I actually worked in an office, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. The room layout, the fluorescent lights, my cubicle partners, the weekly birthday celebrations complete with sheet cakes and balloons. Although I have been an entrepreneur for over 10 years, I have fond memories of my work experience, and I wouldn’t change a moment of it. Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always rosy; in fact, I was fired from my first real job.

Boy, was that a painful experience! Fresh out of college and working for Capitol Records as an assistant in the International Marketing Department, I was going to weekly concerts, meeting recording artists, and having the time of my life. That was the fun part. The work part was a little more difficult. My assistant skills were slim at best, and I had a female boss who was less than friendly. Everything I did was wrong, and she was always correcting me. The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when I went over my boss’s head to her superior to ask special permission for something that she said no to. Needless to say, it did not end well. I did, however, learn a valuable lesson that has stuck with me to this day, and that is to be deferential to your superiors, especially your immediate boss!

Why am I telling you this story? Because even though I got fired in the end, I realized that I truly enjoyed working! I liked dressing for work, I appreciated interacting with my co-workers, I relished meeting the clients, and I appreciated the sense of accomplishment I felt at the end of the day. Sound familiar? For many people, this is not the tune they sing. There is more of a solemn tune of drudgery filled with sayings that start with “Ugh, do I have to go to work today?” or “Is tomorrow really Monday? I think I’ll call in sick.”

Since we spend so many of our waking hours at the office, it behooves us to invest a little more effort into putting on a shiny, happy face for work. It can be your greatest asset! A good attitude is integral to any office environment, whether it consists of 2 workers or 200. Turning a negative attitude into a positive one can help you make the most of your workday. Here are a few workplace etiquette tips we hope will help keep things peaceful and positive in your work environment.

Wrap Up Your Troubles

Pack up your troubles in a nice box, wrap them with a bow, and set the imaginary package on a shelf in your home. Everyone has a certain amount of stress that they can’t seem to shake. The daily pressures of living in today’s world can bring about a whole host of physical and mental problems that can cause loss of concentration, scattered thoughts, and general lack of focus at work. The act of putting our troubles away before we leave the house frees us of that heavy weight and allows for a much more positive atmosphere at work.

Make A Conscious Effort

The word “work” may conjure up images that are less than desirable, but they don’t have to be debilitating. If we take on the mindset of putting 100% effort into our performance at work, the day will automatically go more smoothly. Get in the habit of displaying impeccable work habits, arriving on time, working to your full potential and staying focused and you will be surprised at the great things you can achieve.

Give Co-workers Their Space

There’s been a great deal of talk about cubicle etiquette and allowing our colleagues their space even if they are not surrounded by four walls. This is an important point that many do not take into consideration and can raise the tension level at work. So be considerate of your co-worker and (a) don’t enter another person’s cubicle unless you are invited, (b) refrain from interrupting a person who is on the phone, (c) be mindful of conducting loud conversations, and (d) avoid applying strong perfumes and eating pungent foods. Bear in mind that your cubicle is a direct reflection of you. Keep it neat and orderly and be respectful of others.

Be A Team Player

As the saying goes, there is no “I” in team. When you arrive at work, it is much easier to be cooperative, kind and patient towards others than it is to remain solitary. Support your colleagues by asking their input and valuing their remarks. Be a problem solver by offering to assist wherever help is needed. Refrain from gossip or slander and keep private matters confidential. Act as a source of encouragement to everyone and pay deference to your superiors. These characteristics will not only classify you as a dependable worker, but they may also result in greater opportunities for advancement.

Guarantee Job Security

A bad attitude can lead to permanent repercussions. In today’s highly competitive marketplace, one cannot afford to be branded as difficult or sensitive. If there is a particular struggle at work, nip it in the bud by giving others the benefit of the doubt or letting things roll off your shoulders once in a while. Taking steps to improve your disposition will lead to a much more positive outcome and make you a valuable asset rather than a disposable liability.

Now, we know it is virtually impossible to be the happy, peppy face of positivity all the time. At one point or other, you are bound to hit a wall at work. When this happens, acknowledge it, take a few deep breaths and remember you have the power within you to turn it around. If all else fails, put on a smile and fake it till you make it. Eventually, you will lighten up and all will be well again.

Lisa Gache
Beverly Hills Manners’ CEO
Lisa Gaché, is one of the foremost etiquette, manners and life skills experts. Her educational and entertainment company, founded in 2006, is recognized for its new school approach. Lisa has appeared in the media and contributed to various outlets, including CNN, NPR, “The Today Show,” KTLA-TV, Radio Disney, Woman’s Day, USA Today, The Los Angeles Times, The New York Post and The New York Daily News. Her contributions to blogs and websites range from the Los Angeles Times, AOL, The Huffington Post and Weddzilla. Gaché has also been a guest expert on number of reality shows including VH1’s “Charm School” and Discovery Channel’s “Living with Ed.”

The Entrepreneurship Gender Gap Isn’t Shrinking

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Women still start fewer businesses than men and are less likely to achieve business success, according to a comprehensive new international survey

Drawing on interviews with more than 175,000 adults and multiple sources of data, the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor 2010 Women’s Report, released earlier this week, is the most comprehensive study to date of women’s business activity, says Donna J. Kelley, associate professor of entrepreneurship at Babson College and lead author of the report. Evaluating 59 economies, it found that more than 104 million women ages 18 to 64 were actively engaged in starting and running new business ventures, and 83 million women were running businesses that were more than three years old.

Despite the impressive numbers, the report reveals a persistent gender gap. Kelley spoke this week to Smart Answers columnist Karen E. Klein about the findings and the policy implications of the report. Edited excerpts of their conversation follow.

Karen E. Klein: This GEM survey is the first to look specifically at women entrepreneurs since 2002. What’s changed?

Donna J. Kelley: We continue to see consistently that fewer women become entrepreneurs than men. In some economies, you have ups and downs in entrepreneurship, and women follow those trends. But in general, fewer women participate in most of the world’s economies.

In our 2010 data, only one country had more women than men involved in entrepreneurship, and that was Ghana. What we see there and in many developing countries is that women participate out of necessity because they need to create income for their families, and they have few other job possibilities.

Which countries had the highest participation rates for women entrepreneurs?

The Latin American economies and the sub-Saharan African region had more relative participation from women compared to men, and there are higher entrepreneurship rates overall in those countries as well. In the Middle East, Eastern Europe, and Northern Africa, we see both lower entrepreneurship rates overall and less participation by women.

What about Asia?

That’s interesting. Korea has the lowest participation rate for women relative to men, even though the country as a whole has pretty good entrepreneurship rates. Japan also has low participation rates for women and low entrepreneurship rates overall. China has both high rates of entrepreneurship overall and pretty good participation rates for women, with 16 percent of the male population engaged in entrepreneurship and 12 percent of women.

What kinds of factors determine how many women participate in business ownership?

There are a lot of factors, including the availability of employment options for women and the availability of child care. It’s hard to identify specific reasons in specific countries, but culture is really important. Talking with some of my Korean colleagues, they say there are definite role expectations for women and fewer day-care options. In China, women typically have their parents take care of the children so they are empowered to go out and work.

Which countries had the greatest level of equality between men and women?

Australia has equal numbers of women and men participating in entrepreneurship, but more than twice as many men running established businesses as women. In the U.S., 8 percent of the male population and 7 percent of the female population is engaged in entrepreneurship. But again, there are more male established business owners than female business owners.

Interestingly, in Norway we saw a reverse trend. There are three times as many males as female entrepreneurs, but only 1.5 times as many males as female established business owners.

What attitudes hold women back from starting businesses?

For one, we found that women are just as likely as men to see entrepreneurship as attractive, but they are less likely to see opportunities for starting businesses. In fact, since 2002, the perceptions about entrepreneurial opportunities declined among women in developed economies.

One thing that is critical is women’s belief in their own capabilities is far lower than men’s. Less than half–47.7 percent–of women believe they are capable of starting a business, while well over half–62.1 percent–of men believe they are capable. That lack of confidence persists through all economies and cultures we studied.

Fear of failure is another stumbling block that’s more common among women than men.

Yes. Women are more likely dissuaded from entrepreneurship due to fear of failure and they tend to have smaller and less diverse support networks. They are more likely to rely on family members for support and they are less likely to know an entrepreneur. Men have larger business networks, know more entrepreneurs, and they are more likely to rely on business colleagues for help and support than on family members.

What conclusions do those results lead you to?

We think that mentoring and entrepreneurial role models can boost women’s confidence. Also, women are just as well-educated and as likely to create innovative products as men, but they have half the growth expectations for their businesses as men. So, for those female-owned businesses that do have high-growth potential, we need to get them the resources, support, training, and mentoring they need to move to that next level.

Your report reviews some government, nonprofit, and private-sector programs aimed at trying to enhance women’s entrepreneurship. What did you find?

In Ireland, we covered one initiative that is focused on growth entrepreneurs. They get a female mentor to run roundtable forums focusing on growth, where women business owners can share what they’ve learned and do group problem solving. The lead entrepreneur acts as a role model and a mentor, and it has been really successful at helping women with limited resources tap into their own creativity. More than 150 women entrepreneurs have benefited.

Karen E. Klein
Karen E. Klein is a Los Angeles-based writer who covers entrepreneurship and small-business issues.

How to Have an Awesome Work Career

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I was reflecting on my work career (past, present, and future) this morning and came to the realization that my job is “awesome.”  OK, that word is overused, but I have young adult and pre-teen daughters, so I think I understand the different meanings it has, but I’m talking about the old definition of “awesome.” In other words, I enjoy almost every part of what I do for a living, and there is research in work psychology that explains why that is the case. So, here are the elements that make up an “awesome work career,” and some tips on how to get more of those elements in your own work life.

Meaning. An awesome job has meaning. There is a purpose to your work, and you have to find that higher purpose. There is a scene in the movie Cedar Rapids, where Ed Helms’ nerdy character makes insurance sales sound like an uplifting career (“we are the heroes on the disaster scene, working to rebuild lives…”). Even mundane jobs, like customer service can be viewed as having meaning (e.g., helping clients, giving customers a great experience). If you can’t find the meaning in your current job after looking hard, it may be time to look hard for a new career.

Accomplishment. Choose a career where you can accomplish things, take pride in those accomplishments, and celebrate them. I take pride when I publish a paper, give a great lecture, or finish a blog post. The pride comes from readers and students who comment favorably on my accomplishments, and I’ve been known to celebrate with a glass of wine.

My friend Carlos makes car-racing accessories. He takes pride in the fact that he can build better quality accessories, and do them quicker, than anyone else at his company. I tell our college students to accomplish something at their summer internships – a project, a report, or helping run a successful event. If their internship doesn’t require it, I suggest they talk to their supervisor about taking on some extra, challenging project, perhaps one that the supervisor hasn’t had time to complete. It makes for a better internship experience to accomplish something that makes a distinct contribution, and the same goes for every job.

Positive Relationships. Nothing can make a career more awesome than working with terrific people, and building strong and rewarding relationships with them. I’m fortunate to have amazing, talented, and (yes) awesome students. I get to meet and network with wonderful clients in my consulting work, and I have some of the best research collaborators anyone could hope for. And, I try to steer clear of the bad relationships – those that can make your job an ordeal, and make you question yourself and your career choice.

Research clearly shows that relationships at work can be the greatest source of pleasure or the most tormenting source of pain and stress. Cultivate positive relationships and work hard to avoid the bad relationships (previous posts offer help in dealing with bullies and bad colleagues and bosses).

Balance. Very few people can have awesome careers if their lives revolve entirely around their jobs. An awesome career is one that allows time for family, friends, and the ability to pursue non-work-related interests. I often talk to people who are unhappy because their jobs consume all of their time and energy. Some of them change to careers that allow greater balance and flexibility, and although there are tradeoffs (e.g., less money, prestige, or a slower ride up the ladder). I rarely hear any regrets from them.

Does good fortune play a part in someone having an awesome career? To some extent. But it is more likely that people have to plan, make tough strategic career decisions, and work hard to make their career awesome.

How To Follow Your Passion When You’re Just Trying To Pay The Bills

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ignite passionDuring tough economic times, many people think they need to sacrifice passion and focus solely on earning money. From a spiritual perspective, this is the exact opposite approach to generating real abundance. Yes, paying your bills takes practical action. But it also requires an internal belief system powered by inspiration and passion. Without an emphasis on passion, it’s likely that no matter how many actions you take, you’ll still wind up feeling stuck.

Neglecting passion blocks creative flow. When you’re passionate, you’re energized. Likewise, when you lack passion, your energy is low and unproductive. Energy is everything when it comes to earning. Quantum physics teaches us that our bodies are made up of subatomic particles that are energy. Your thoughts, attention, and focus affect your energy and, therefore, everything around you—including your bank account. So when you’re thinking only about the mundane to-do lists and practical action steps, you’re lowering your energy and, in effect, lowering your earning power.

Your life becomes what you think about most. When you focus on following your passion and letting inspiration flow, your energy is raised, and your earning capacity is strong. But when you’re uninspired and bogged down by low-level thoughts, your attracting power is weakened.

Now that you have a better understanding of the earning value of passionate, positive energy, it’s time to take it more seriously. Read on for three simple, effective ways you can bring more passion into your life—even if you’re crazy-busy.

Who said your job had to be your only source of passion?

Our culture places such a huge emphasis on our careers that we lose track of our passion projects. But who said your job had to be your only source of passion? A dear friend of mine is a powerful example of balancing passion and career. He works in corporate America, but moonlights as a guitar player. Though he spends his weekdays at a desk, he spends his weekends indulging his passion projects such as gigging with his band, writing, drawing, and learning about art. Though he dedicates a lot of his time to his career, there is no lack of passion in his life.

The passion of being of service

When we’re of service to the world, we feel inspired and passionate about the work that we do. Perhaps the work you’re doing is service-related—getting clear about the ways in which it serves the world may make you more passionate about it. If that’s not the case with your job, maybe you volunteer for a local charity once a month, or find a way to participate in your community, or promote bigger causes. Awaken a service mentality. When you serve the world, you serve your soul.

Shift your perception about the way you make money

If you’re hung up about the fact that your primary source of revenue doesn’t come from your true passion, shift your perspective. Be grateful for the work that you have and focus on the good stuff. Find even the smallest part of your work that ignites your passion. Maybe you love interacting with clients, or the neighborhood where you work. Maybe you’re learning something new by being on that job. Focus on what you do have and you’ll create more of what you want.

Take these action steps seriously. We all have work to do to support our economy, and if we’re void of passion we won’t have the energy and inspiration to serve. The more passion we ignite in our lives, the higher our earning capacity will be and the more we’ll impact financial growth in our country. When we all raise our thoughts we’ll raise our bank accounts—and greatly serve the world.

Gabrielle Bernstein

Featured in the New York Times Sunday Styles section as “a new role model,” motivational speaker, life coach, and author Gabrielle Bernstein is making her mark. Expanding the lexicon for the next generation of spiritual seekers, Gabrielle is the #1 bestselling author of the book, Add More ~ing to Your Life, A hip Guide to Happiness. In September 2011 Gabrielle launched her second book, Spirit Junkie, A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles. In 2008 she launched her social networking site HerFuture.com for young women to find mentors.

From Tunnel Vision To Your Ultimate Vision

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“We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.”
—Anaïs Nin

I’m a huge advocate for living a life beyond your wildest dreams, but I also know there are some potential pitfalls on the journey.

Having a vision is a powerful tool. It means that you are honoring your goals, aspiring toward them, and taking risks to expand your horizons. Sometimes our visions for ourselves subtly turn into tunnel vision. We can’t see anything that contradicts our intentions and desires. We get selective perception, which limits our ability to remain open and to see things clearly. Instead of being present to our reality while we pursue our heart’s desire, we put the blinders on and barrel ahead toward our hopes and dreams.

There is a shadow side to almost every positive thing we can do for ourselves, including having a vision. It’s important to be aware of this distinction. All spiritual and psychological tools can be used in a “willful” way. For example, sometimes self-care is actually about taking care of ourselves: unplugging from too much work and plugging into more balance and harmony. But sometimes, under the guise of self-care, we are really just checking out: denying what’s happening and how scary it feels to show up for it. So, how do we know the difference? How do we know when we are pursuing our vision in a manner that is actually in alignment with our intentions?

Tension in the Tunnel

Tension usually crops up when we are stuck in the tunnel—it takes a lot of effort to keep the blinders on. For me, the tension often shows up in the form of a headache. For others, there might be similar physical cues, such as stomach- or back-aches, getting sick, or feeling lethargic. Some people find themselves to be more irritable or short-tempered. When we aren’t looking at the big picture of our reality, our emotional bandwidth tends to shrink. This happens because everything becomes limited in the tunnel—not just our vision. I don’t know about you, but when I’m stuck in a tunnel, I can get a little cranky. What are your personal cues that suggest you might be denying aspects of your own reality?

Fear in the Tunnel

There are reasons that we aren’t looking at the big picture, many of which boil down to fear. “What if I leave this relationship and I’m alone forever?” “What if I open this piece of mail and find out that I owe more money than I have in the bank?” “What if I take this day-job and I never get the job of my dreams?” Our response to these fears can be “No thanks, I’ll stay here in the tunnel, where it feels safe.” The blinders go up and we clamp down, even harder.

Denial is not a Tunnel in Egypt

The problem is that denial may feel safe, but it’s an illusion. Whether or not you open that mail or take that job, you still have bills to pay—and we have to take responsibility for ourselves in the present, even as we are building the life we ultimately envision.

The Light at the End of Tunnel

If you are still with me on this tunnel metaphor, here is where it gets good. I grew up in Colorado where there are some amazing tunnels going straight through the mountains. Perhaps you have driven through one yourself, or you can imagine it right now. As you are driving, you move into a cold and dark, fear-filled tin can. The echo is staggering and yet everything seems so quiet. You can’t see two feet in front of yourself without your headlights. Then, suddenly, you find yourself entering into a picture postcard. The sunlight pierces through the windshield and warms your heart as you are greeted with breathtaking, majestic vistas. Let that experience be your teacher and your inspiration. When we move through small, contained ideas of what we think we want—what we think will make us happy and safe—we are brought to extraordinary and expansive beauty. Removing the blinders is like seeing in color for the first time. Tunnel vision is rigid and constraining, while remaining open is fluid and liberating.

Ultimately, moving out of the tunnel is about finding clarity, even if it feels terrifying—at least it is true. And reality begets more reality, and the opportunity to make it the best reality you can. I’ll never tell you to give up on the dream. I believe there is a reason that you have the dream to begin with. I will tell you that the best way to get there is to start from where you are, from the fullness of your situation. To look around and truly see, feel, and experience what is happening in your life. Accept your current circumstances and then take mindful action. If we are in the middle of the tunnel, we don’t get to the beauty on the other side by wishful thinking or burying our head in the sand—we get there by taking one deliberate step at a time.

I’d love to hear how have you have moved through your own tunnels. How did you get stuck, and what enabled you to move through? What did you discover when you surrendered your limited vision? I know that oftentimes people find a “picture postcard” that they never would have if they had held on to that tin can they used to believe was the shiniest and most precious thing they ever could have wished for.

Ingrid Mathieu, Ph.D
Ingrid Mathieu, PhD is a psychotherapist and author of Recovering Spirituality

Vision, Strategy, and Tactics

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  • Vision: What you want the organization to be; your dream.
  • Strategy: What you are going to do to achieve your vision.
  • Tactics: How you will achieve your strategy and when.

Your vision is your dream of what you want the organization to be. Your strategy is the large-scale plan you will follow to make the dream happen. Your tactics are the specific actions you will take to follow the plan. Start with the vision and work down to the tactics as you plan for your organization.

Concepts Are The Same

Whether you are planning for the entire company or just for your department, the concepts are the same. Only the scale is different. You start with the vision statement (sometimes called a mission statement). When you know what the vision is you can develop a strategy to get you to the vision. When you have decided on a strategy, you can develop tactics to meet the strategy.

Vision

A vision is an over-riding idea of what the organization should be. Often it reflects the dream of the founder or leader. Your company’s vision could be, for example, to be “the largest retailer of automobiles in the US”, “the maker of the finest chocolate candies in London”, or “the management consultant of choice for non-profit organizations in the Southwest.” A vision must be sufficiently clear and concise that everyone in the organization understands it and can buy into it with passion.

Strategy

Your strategy is one or more plans that you will use to achieve your vision. To be “the largest retailer of automobiles in the US” you might have to decide whether it is better strategy for you to buy other retailers, try to grow a single retailer, or a combination of both. A strategy looks inward at the organization, but it also looks outward at the competition and at the environment and business climate.

To be “the management consultant of choice for non-profit organizations in the Southwest,” your strategy would need to evaluate what other companies offer management consulting services in the Southwest, which of those target non-profits, and which companies could, in the future, begin to offer competing services. Your strategy also must determine how you will become “the consultant of choice”. What will you do so that your targeted customers choose you over everyone else? Are you going to offer the lowest fees? Will you offer a guarantee? Will you hire the very best people and build a reputation for delivering the most innovative solutions?

If you decide to compete on lowest billing rates, what will you do if a competing consulting firm drops their rates below yours? If you decide to hire the best people, how will you attract them? Will you pay the highest salaries in a four-state area, give each employee an ownership position in the company, or pay annual retention bonuses? Your strategy must consider all these issues and find a solution that works AND that is true to your vision.

Tactics

Your tactics are the specific actions, sequences of actions, and schedules you will use to fulfill your strategy. If you have more than one strategy you will have different tactics for each. A strategy to be the most well-known management consultant, as part of your vision to be “the management consultant of choice for non-profit organizations in the Southwest” might involve tactics like advertising in the Southwest Non-Profits Quarterly Newsletter for three successive issues, advertising in the three largest-circulation newspapers in the Southwest for the next six months, and buying TV time monthly on every major-market TV station in the southwest to promote your services. Or it might involve sending a letter of introduction and a brochure to the Executive Director of every non-profit organization in the Southwest with an annual budget of over $500,000.

Firm or Flexible?

Things change. You need to change with them, or ahead of them. However, with respect to vision, strategy and tactics, you need some flexibility and some firmness. Hold to your dream, your vision. Don’t let that be buffeted by the winds of change. Your vision should be the anchor that holds all the rest together. Strategy is a long-term plan, so it may need to change in response to internal or external changes, but strategy changes should only happen with considerable thought. Changes to strategy also should not happen until you have a new one to replace the old one. Tactics are the most flexible. If some tactic isn’t working, adjust it and try again.

Manage This Issue

Whether for one department or the entire company, for a multi-national corporation or a one-person company, vision, strategy, and tactics are essential. Develop the vision first and hold to it. Develop a strategy to achieve your vision and change it as you have to to meet internal or external changes. Develop flexible tactics that can move you toward fulfilling your strategy.

By F. John Reh
About.com/Guide

Keeping New Year’s Resolutions

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If you’re like most people, you’ve probably experienced the sudden burst of motivation that comes around this time of year. So many of us experience an urge to commit to the required dedication to take a low-level priority in our lives and make it the successful reality we deserve. Motivation is the easy part. Follow-through is when the eye-opening realizations of the level of commitment required to obtain and maintain our desired goal start to occur. Because of this very reason, New Year’s resolutions are often notoriously short-lived. The trick to making resolutions work is to follow the same steps required to make any goal work: devise a plan. Devising a plan should be the first step; following through with the tips provided below should be the next step.

Many people are virtually assured to fail because of one simple fact: they didn’t pick a realistic resolution for themselves. It is very important that you pick a goal that you believe and seriously intend to achieve.

Can you actually visualize yourself achieving the goal? Visualizing your goals is not only a great motivator but also a great reminder. Make sure to choose the right resolution for the right reasons. Once you have devised your plan, it is essential to set time to work on your goal. It is important to schedule this time into your calendar; therefore, you have an appointment and are more likely to keep it. It is also important to constantly reevaluate your progress. Make any adjustments where needed and keep moving forward. It is imperative that you not let any conflicts deter you from progress. When you are faced with any conflicts, simply take a look at your plan and make the appropriate adjustments, and keep moving forward.

This is true if you miss an appointment you set for your goal. If you didn’t follow through with your plan on Monday, pick right back up on your next scheduled time. Lastly, it is important to recognize the need to hire a professional. A Coach provides the accountability necessary to ask the tough questions that most of us don’t ask ourselves. Whether you are faced with achieving the success of your personal New Year’s resolution or the success of your small business, a Coach in this day and age is no longer considered a luxury it is fast becoming a necessity.

Tips for Successful New Year’s Resolutions:

  • Choose the right resolution
  • Devise a plan
  • Commit – Write down/Announce your resolution
  • Schedule time on a daily/weekly basis to commit to your goal
  • Monitor your progress and make necessary adjustments
  • Once you reach your goal, continue maintaining it

How To Make Lasting Changes For New Year’s or Any Time Of Year

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Any Time Is A Good Time For Healthy Changes

Setting goals (rather than taking the traditional ‘resolution’ approach) can transform your year!

Each year, many people make resolutions for change, and each year, most of those resolutions go…unresolved. This isn’t due to people’s lack of desire for a better life; it’s just a byproduct of the reality that change is difficult. Our habits become ingrained and automatic; changing them requires constant effort until a new habit is formed. This resource can help you to make necessary alterations in your expectations, attitudes, and methods of change so that you can experience real results that last. The following ideas can help:

Think in Terms of “Goals”, Rather Than “Resolutions”: While most people make resolutions that they’re determined to keep, a better tactic would be to create goals. “What’s the difference?” you may ask. With traditional resolutions, people generally approach change with the attitude, “From now on, I will no longer [name a given behavior you’d like to change]>” The problem with this is that, after one or two slip-ups, people feel like failures and tend to drop the whole effort, falling easily back into familiar patterns. By setting goals, one instead aims to work toward a desired behavior. The key difference is that people working toward goals expect that they won’t be perfect at first, and are pleased with any progress they make. Rather than letting perfectionism work against them, they allow motivation and pride to do their magic. The following ideas can help you with meeting your ‘New Year’s Goals’:

Remember That It’s A Process: Expect to work your way up, rather than maintaining perfection and feeling let down if you don’t achieve it immediately.
Work Your Way Up: In setting goals for new behavior, aim for once or twice a week, rather than every day. For example, instead of saying, “I’ll go to the gym every day,” plan for “every Wednesday” or, better yet, sign up for a fun exercise class, and you can work your way up to more often.
Set Yourself Up To Succeed: Set small, attainable goals, and add more steps as you complete each one. This way, you gradually work your way toward the life you want and the necessary changes, but you experience much more ‘success’ along the way, rather than feeling like a failure if you don’t experience ultimate change overnight.

Have A Goal Each Month: If you’re like most people, you may have several changes you’d like to make in your life; if so, it may be a good idea to tackle one each month. This way, 1) you can focus more, as you won’t be trying to make several sweeping changes at once; 2) you can re-commit yourself each month to a new idea, so you keep growing all year, and self-improvement becomes a way of life; and 3) you can build on each success, so you can first free up time before you take on a new hobby or get involved in an important cause, for example. Also, habits generally take 21 days to form. This setup enables you to devote energy to forming new habits more easily before moving on to the next, so you’re not relying solely on will-power.

Reward Your Progress: While many of your resolutions carry their own reward, changing your habits can be challenging, and it’s sometimes easier to do so if you have a little extra help. (Remember how positive reinforcement from a supportive teacher helped you learn, even though the knowledge itself was its own reward?) Providing extra rewards for yourself can help you to stay on track and maintain your motivation, even if you sometimes don’t feel like making the effort solely for the sake of the benefit the change itself will create. The following are ways you can create rewards for yourself:

Team Up: Have a buddy who knows your goals, and encourage each other, even if you’re working on separate goals. This will provide you with someone who can give you a high-five when you deserve one, and a little encouragement when you need it.
Reward Small Successes: Divide your goal into bite-sized steps and have a reward waiting at the completion of each.
Align Rewards With Goals: Have rewards that are in line with your achievements (like new workout clothes for every 5 gym visits, or a beautiful new pen if you stick with your journaling habit for two weeks).

As for the goals you set, it’s important that you choose your goals wisely, or it will be hard to make them stick. You also want to pick goals that will really help improve your life, so the effort will have a nice payoff. I suggest these Top 10 Resolutions for Stress Relief or these Top 5 Changes for a Healthy Lifestyle. Good luck!

Elizabeth Scott, M.S
About.com/Guide

16 Steps to Write New Year’s Resolutions that Work

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Are you wondering how some people can make New Year’s Resolutions and stick with them, while other people can’t or don’t or won’t even think about writing them out, let alone completing them? Here’s how to be successful at following through on the new you in the new year.

  1. Start thinking about what your short-term goal is for the next year.
  2. Remember or come up with your 5 and 10-year goals.
  3. When you make your New Year’s Resolutions, make sure that they relate in some way to either your short-term or long-term goals. The reason behind this is to link your resolution to what naturally motivates you to pursue change. This also helps you keep your resolutions high on your priority list as well.
  4. Plan out 2012. On a calendar, pencil in the BIG events for the year.
  5. Pick a day when you have space and time to think, plan, and write out your resolutions. Anticipate writing out your resolutions. Make it fun and memorable. Our bodies are wired to seek pleasure.
  6. Brainstorm and jot down the things you’d like to change or do more of in the next year.
  7. Next, look at your calendar to see how much time you have each month to devote to each of your resolutions. Estimate how many hours or days per week you can work on each resolution.
  8. Plan for wiggle room. We usually have a heads up for when there are good stressors or life events such as births, weddings, birthdays, celebrations, etc. However, illnesses, deaths, accidents, layoffs, and car troubles are usually unexpected. Give yourself time and compassion to deal with these unforeseen events.
  9. Set start and end dates for each of your resolutions. Before you commit to due dates, read through and do steps 10-13 first.
  10. Next, look at how far you think you’ll get with each resolution in the next 90 days. Define what you will have to do to accomplish that resolution in the next 3 months. Write each step out. It’s okay to have 10 to 20 steps.
  11. Then, looking at your calendar, define how many of those steps you can do in the next 30 days.
  12. Before you commit to what steps you’ll take in the first 30 days, check in with your calendar to see how much time you can devote for the next 4 weeks.
  13. Set weekly due dates with 1 or 2 days to allow for the unexpected.
  14. Remind yourself of when things are due. Set up reminders in your phone, with software, or online calendars.
  15. Tell someone what you’re planning to do.
  16. Ask someone to hold you accountable to follow through on your resolution. Someone who does not want your time themselves, who can be objective, can offer feedback, ask the hard questions, and help you brainstorm how to troubleshoot setbacks, loss of motivation, etc., will guarantee a higher level of commitment out of you to perform and accomplish what you’d like to change.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations