Assertive Communication with Gender-Based Sales

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There is often failure and setbacks as we grow and change. All successful ventures that involve other people rely on the strength of our communication skills to hear and understand the needs of others. Being able to put this into practice day in and day out in both our personal and professional lives is what determines our lifelong success rates. Being able to communicate assertively (not passively, aggressively, or passive-aggressively) is critical, but so is saying the right things when you are buying or selling based on gender preferences.

Using gender preferences when selling shows your capability: to tune into your client’s preferences, to be a reflective listener, and to see their point of view. An assertive communicator is a good listener. Rephrasing what someone has said before you give your own input ensures (especially if you’re talking to the opposite sex) you hear them, and in return will be able to meet their needs. It gives the other person a chance to say, “yup, that’s what I said,” or “um, no, what I was saying was…”

Below are some gender-based preferences for buying and selling that serve as a guide to being a more effective salesperson. Remember, these are not absolutes, but guidelines, as there are also: (1) personality, (1) cultural, (3) generational, and (4) religious cues you need to be aware of when making a sale to the client sitting directly in front of you.

Female Preferences

  1. Female prospects after an initial proposal may place an order and be more talkative after they’ve had a few days to think about it.
  2. During the early stages of a relationship with a new client, a female client is more likely to hold your feet to the fire on your statement that you have made a “casual commitment” to them.
  3. Female clients prefer that you listen with 100% attention when selling to them.
  4. Pausing before presenting your solution (even if you already have a solution) is more socially acceptable to female clients, because they want to be a part of coming up with the solution and do not want the solution rushed.
  5. Female clients prefer to know how the product will meet their needs when buying.
  6. When a female client or coworker is stressed about a problem, she is more likely to walk around talking to coworkers rather than shutting the door and working out the problem.
  7. Boasting or self-promoting to female clients can turn them off to a sale.
  8. Female clients may not like it if you have all the answers to their objectives at the tip of your tongue. Female clients may be more inclined to do business with you if you hold back on giving all the answers and offer to do research and get back to them for some of their questions.
  9. Female clients would most appreciate it if you showed them how to be happier at their job.
  10. Taking time to bond well the first time you meet a female client prior to starting the sales “pitch” is suggested as it shows you are taking time to get to know her as a person, before offering her a product or service.
  11. Female clients may need the most time to think an offer through so they do not feel rushed to make a decision.
  12. Female clients prefer being shown respect rather than appreciation when you are dealing with them.

Male Preferences

  1. Male prospects make quicker decisions after receiving a sales proposal.
  2. Male clients prefer to know your credentials and dwell on them before making a sale.
  3. After the sales proposal has been made, if the offer is higher than what he expected to pay for your goods or services, male prospects are more likely to be quieter during this meeting.
  4. Male prospects tend to favor being shown appreciation rather than respect when selling a service or product.
  5. When making your point make sure you are clear in your message to male clients.
  6. Male clients prefer quick solutions to a problem.
  7. Male clients prefer people to be brief and come to the point quickly when making a sale.
  8. Male clients need the most space to think alone after a proposal submission has been made.
  9. You may bond better with male clients if you show how your product will meet a specific need.
  10. It tends to matter much more to a male client that you demonstrate extensive product knowledge than it does to female clients.
  11. Male clients prefer to have all the answers ready.
  12. Male clients appreciate and are more inclined to deal with you when you focus on showing them how to be successful at their job.

Did these preferences make you smile about your own buying habits too?

Whether it’s growing a business, achieving your dreams, pursuing professional objectives, or having quality relationships—it takes sweat, effort, and work. I apply these principles of assertive communication and gender-based sales with friends and clients whether they are growing their small businesses or working on finessing themselves and finding compatible life partners. Why? If we are not staying true to our client’s values and character as they attempt to grow professionally, then we’re offering temporary fixes that are shallow and short-lived. Whenever we make a commitment to growth, before we achieve our desired end state we have to invest in ourselves to bring about the change we desire. Are you ready to invest in your people skills?

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Simple Tips for Communicating

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Simple Tips for Women Dealing with Men:

  1. Promote yourself
  2. Avoid tag endings
  3. Be direct and concise
  4. Don’t take male comments so personally
  5. Make acknowledgements direct and simple

Simple Tips for Men Dealing with Women:

  1. Build rapport
  2. Avoid monopolising conversations
  3. Respect her abilities
  4. Don’t lecture
  5. Be specific with praise

To Manage Martians: DO

  • Do allow them to work on their own
  • Do motivate them by appealing to their ability to get the job done- the hero factor
  • Do praise and reinforce them by appreciating the TASKS
  • Do manage their stress by allowing ‘cave time’ and /or simple and quick criteria for what needs to be corrected.
  • Do act as if you trust he will succeed

To Manage Martians: DON’T

  • Don’t offer unsolicited or too much advice/help
  • Don’t focus too much on fleshing out all of the potential problems of a situation
  • Don’t manage stress by asking him to talk about it
  • Don’t act as if you do not trust he will succeed

To Manage Venusians: DO

  • Do allow for more collaborative work
  • Do motivate by appealing to ability to help the group
  • Do praise and reinforce by emphasizing importance to group/organization
  • Do manage stress by listening
  • Do pay attention and positively comment on the ‘little things’ she does.
  • Do build rapport by asking appropriate non-work related questions

To Manage Venusians: DON’T

  • Don’t solve problems too quickly (listen first)
  • Don’t focus exclusively on Tasks and ignore the relationship
  • Don’t wait for Venusians to bring up problems-ask about their concerns
  • Don’t withhold positive feedback

The ultimate guide to lasting love and gender intelligence is now available as a transformative course!

Secrets of Successful Relationships is based on the groundbreaking work of John Gray, the world-renowned author of the phenomenal bestseller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. In this course, Dr. Gray’s wisdom is presented by Rich Bernstein, the President and CEO of Mars Venus Coaching, who has been happily married for 33 years using these very principles. This course isn’t just about learning secrets; it’s about putting them into action to create new habits.

This course will teach you:

• Why Men and Women Are Different: Discover how brain wiring and hormones—like testosterone and oxytocin—profoundly impact behavior, attitudes, and how each gender copes with stress.
• The Art of Scoring Points: Learn why women value the “little things” and how men can avoid “resentment flu” by understanding the different ways partners tally appreciation.
• How to Heal the Past: Master the “Feeling Letter” technique to release emotional blocks and past triggers that may be sabotaging your current connection.
• The Secret to Reigniting Passion: Shift from reactive to reflective listening and use “pre-framing” to ensure you are heard and understood without unnecessary conflict.
• How to Stop Pushing Your Partner Away: Identify the common, unintentional misunderstandings and behaviors that accidentally extinguish the spark in your relationship.

Geared to individuals and couples at any stage of their journey, this invaluable course will show you how to build a deep emotional connection and relationship security. By focusing on gender intelligence and mutual validation, you will gain the practical tools needed to transform your partnership into a lifelong journey of happiness and passion.

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Gender Negotiation Communication Style Differences: Women

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Here is an interesting Article about Gender Differences…Compare and contrast with similar theories by John Gray, Ph.D. You can read the article here http://www.negotiations.com/articles/gender-bender/

Little did we know that the communication differences we experienced as children on the playground would move from the classroom to the boardroom. As the face of business transforms with more women occupying key management positions, the requirement to reduce the gender communication gap is growing: miscommunication can cost money, opportunities, and jobs.

Statistics tell the story. In the USA, women compose half the professional managerial workforce. Half the students who earned college degrees last year were composed of women. Of those who have a personal net worth of more than $500,000, more than half are women. American women collectively earn more than $1 trillion a year. More than 7.7 million women-owned businesses in the U.S. generate $1.4 trillion a year. Women comprise 35 percent of the country’s 51 million shareholders.

Researchers in the 1970s predicted the disappearance of gender communication differences as women moved into higher management positions, the gap or “disconnection” remains.

Question: Where does this lack of awareness surface most often?

Answer: In organizations where one gender mainly sells to buyers of the same gender. Take stock brokers, for example.

For years, male stock brokers have been selling mostly to other males – their comfort zone. Another example is the residential real estate industry, where female agents dominate the scene. A third example is the health-care industry. In fact, the potential for gender communication gaps is widest in those organizations where one gender takes up most of the senior executive positions.

As the traditional picture changes and both men and women must communicate in teams, manage, and sell to the other gender, their awareness grows. Yet the result is often frustration. In other words, they both experience the problem but don’t know where to begin to expand their repertoire of communication skills.

Professionals and companies that create cultures that encourage both genders in their career paths, recognizing the accomplishments and contributions of both men and women, will be the most productive and satisfied. And that will be the competitive advantage at the turn of the century. Neither men nor women are better communicators. They’re just different. We must learn to recognize these general differences in the way the two genders communicate and be more effective with the other half of the business community.

Questions. As females grow up in our culture, they are taught not to be confrontational, not to make a scene or be aggressive or pushy. So how do they express opposition to an idea? Frequently they use indirect channels such as questions. They, of course, also use questions in the traditional way: to solicit information to make people rethink their positions, plans, or ideas.

Men, on the other hand, do not always recognize indirect messages or pick up on nuances in words or body language. In short, they don’t always accurately “read between the lines”; to understand a woman’s meaning or question.

The results:

  1. Women ask questions meant as indirect objections, men appear to ignore their objections and feelings.
  2. Women ask questions meant only to solicit information to which men react defensively. Directness. Women’s language tends to be indirect, indiscreet, tactful, and even manipulative. Women tend to give fewer directives and use more courtesy words with those directives. Example: “The approach is not precisely foreign to our designers”; meaning “They are familiar with it.”; Or “Mary may not be available to handle the project” meaning “Mary doesn’t want to handle the project.”

Men’s language tends to be more direct, powerful, blunt, and at times offensive. Men generally give more directives, with fewer courtesy words. Example: “Tom blew the deal with that client because of his stubborn refusal to negotiate on the delivery.” Or “That’s a half-baked idea if I ever heard one. You’re dead wrong.”

When a female manager asks a male employee, “Do you think you can have the proposal ready by Friday?” and he responds affirmatively, she expects the report on Friday. When Friday comes and the proposal isn’t ready, the (female) manager looks at the situation as failure to comply with her directive while the (male) employee “just wasn’t able to get around to it.”

Small talk: women talk to build rapport with others, and to explore their own feelings and opinions. Consequently, they consider many subjects worthy of conversation. They often talk about personal topics such as relationships, people, and experiences. To women, an important component of conversation is simply “connecting” emotionally with another person.

Men tend to regard conversation as a means of exchanging information or solving problems. They discuss events, facts, happenings in the news, sports, or generally those topics not directly related to themselves. Other subjects about “routine” matters may, in men’s estimation, not warrant conversational effort.

Whether in sales, management, or marriage, awareness of gender differences in communication can prove a boon to your success in working with teams, managing groups, or presenting your services or products.

Dianna Booher
CEO, Booher Consultants, a Dallas-based communications consulting firm