The Joy of Watering & Feeding Kids

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One of the best feelings in the world is when a child’s eyes light up in recognition, and they run at you, throwing their little arms around you for a big hug and cuddle. I remember promising myself when I was about ten years old and dealing with my father’s death that I would never lose that innocence, and wonder and joy for life. John Gray’s book Children Are From Heaven reminds us how precious our responsibilities are as adults to grow and raise children to not just be resilient in life, but to thrive. So how do you curb your tongue, focus on the positive, and be in joy to raise the kids in your life? As a mother myself, I cherish this promise I made to myself as a young child.  It impacts everything I do and say around our child to guide and grow his spirit, rather than stamping the light out.

When it comes to raising kids, I like to remember simple, yet effective truths to keep me focused on joyfully raising kids.

Negative response attracts negative behavior

Positive response attracts positive behavior

Children naturally gravitate toward wanting to please and cooperate. In our family, we choose to use positive parenting because we believe that the behaviors we focus on are the behaviors we are teaching our children to reproduce.

If they are doing something that is not appropriate, then we redirect and model the behavior we’d like them to do instead. We choose to motivate our children with rewards. When adults are stressed out, sometimes what comes naturally is yelling or punishing the negative behavior. If we want our children to be empathetic and logical when reacting to undesirable behaviors, then we have to model this so our actions and words are their models.  We do not use food or toys to bribe; we use words of affirmation and physical touch. When I engage with any child I immediately acknowledge and praise what they did right. We reward them by praising them with:

  • verbal affirmation,
  • a hug,
  • a smile, or
  • a high-five

The only time we use the word “no” is for dangerous situations. Such as darting into the street, touching a hot stove, or jumping into a pool without an adult in the water, etc. The less you use this word, the more powerful its effect when it’s needed in an emergency. Every adult our son has come in contact with marvels at his politeness, his manners, his ability to look people directly in the eye while talking, his ability to share, and his compassion for others. He’s not even three years old.

What this does is take the focus off of giving children consequences for negative behavior. Instead we provide consequences when they engage in positive behavior. We let them know when they’ve done a job well, when they’ve attempted to do something helpful, and when we’d like to see more of that behavior. Therefore we use positive outcomes to motivate children rather using a negative outcome.

Children are born wanting to please and cooperate with their parents. John Gray’s program taps into returning the power to parents to guide children to learn how to make the right choices. When we give children the choice to choose, and give them options for acceptable behaviors, we do not stamp out their quest for independence. Instead we provide structure for them to make choices based on their developmental levels. This starts as soon as they can crawl. The more choices we give them, the more opportunities we give children to exert their independence and feel successful at navigating their way through life.

The more often we are able to parent using techniques based on love and mutual respect, rather than fear and guilt, the more time we have to play together. We all make mistakes, so remember to be gentle with yourself too. Raising kids joyfully and guiding with compassion are the greatest gifts we can give our children so they grow into happy, well-adjusted adults.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Mars Venus Parenting and Hot Steamy Sex

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Erotic and exciting sex is not only for the unattached or young. I’d even argue it gets better with age and knowing your partner. The biggest culprit to your sex life falling flat on its face while you’re raising kids starts with a T, although it’s not necessarily a lack of toys. It’s more likely that the offender we blame is: T…I…M…E, when really it’s our lack of prioritizing a hot sex life into our busy schedules.

When we don’t nurture and grow our sex life, then we often find that sex has left the premises. Not connecting often enough with your partner in this way can leave the door wide open to one or both of you straying—either in emotional or physical affairs. So how do you broach this sticky subject if one or both parents are stressed out and tired? Regardless if you’re a new mom figuring out your new body or if you’re pre-menopausal, you can implement these techniques immediately into your life with your partner.

I cannot say from experience how things go once the kids become cognizant of the mewling sounds coming from the bedroom, because our toddler is still a toddler. From our experience, we’ve followed the following tips, and they work. These ideas are also drawn from the expertise of John Gray, Ph.D., relationship expert and author of the Mars Venus series that the Mars Venus Coaches use to strengthen relationships with their clients and workshop customers.

Humor

Keeping the atmosphere light and pressure-free is an art. However, it is doable if humor is done without sarcasm or the intent to hurt or make you feel better at the expense of another. Maintaining a good sense of humor when things change in your body allows both partners to be uninhibited. And for both sexes, it can lead to more intimacy. Accepting and making light of the weird things our bodies do as they age, as they bounce back from childbirth, and begin drooping and sagging, is quite fun, especially if you’ve been together for a while, because you’ll be able to remember and still see your hot cutie when they were XX years young. When we do accept these changes with grace, then we are able to be freer in the bedroom with our partners.

Play

Remaining playful, joyful, and young at heart—especially with your partner or spouse—is critical to keeping all the pressures of a fast-paced society out of your sex life. Leaving sexy notes and playing out your fantasies with your partner keeps ennui at bay and keeps your sex life new and exciting. Telling your partner when someone else finds you attractive reaffirms being desired, while also keeping the sexual energy within your relationship, instead of giving it away.

Non-Sexual Touch

For women, it takes time to become sexually aroused. Women need to feel relaxed and that they’ve had sufficient time to take off their hats as mom, sister, daughter, housekeeper, and professional, before they feel like the sexy, hot playmate their partner may always see them as despite the messy pony-tail and spit up on their shirt. Taking time to sit beside a woman, or to give one another a foot or back rub, with no intention of this leading to sex can do wonders to turn women on as they anticipate sex later in the day.

Connecting not Necessarily Talking it Out

If you’ve gotten this far, and you are questioning how best to take action—wonderful! You do not need to talk about what you’re doing, just take action. If things are so tense or you’re so exhausted, humor, play, and non-sexual touch are three ways you can re-balance your relationship without adding more stress. The point is to re-connect. Quickie sex. Home-Cooked sex. Romantic sex. It can all be steamy. If you are counting on spontaneity, but then find one of you always bags out, then schedule a day and time each week so you both know that you’ll have time with one another.

Agree to Always Say Yes

Never say no.  This agreement ensures no one is ever turned down. Simple as that, and it works. This is when using a nonverbal signal such as three candles, like John Gray, Ph.D., suggests  lets the other person know you’re interested, and gives them time to get in the mood, or choose to have just a quickie instead.

Long Term Perspective

Our sex life in a long-term, committed relationship will ebb and flow. The key is being able to voice any dissatisfaction in a way that is nurturing not damaging. Complaining or putting your lack of a sex life down will not encourage more intimacy. Introducing eroticism and fantasy into your relationship can ensure that it remains monogamous, while also allowing both partners to freely explore their entire sexual depth.  Keeping things playful, humorous, and focused on connecting at deeper levels ensures a steamy sex life for years to come. Our bodies will change, we will go through life events, but if we embrace these events and are gentle with ourselves and our partners, then we’re able to continue growing together despite the odds.

For more information on Mars and Venus in the Bedroom go to John Gray’s, Ph.D., book of the same name. And, if you’re pressed for time you can also pick up more tips on healthy relationships with our online couse: Secrets of Successful Relationships.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

Shaky Ground, Clear Heart

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The epicenter in Mineral, Virginia, where the 5.8 magnitude earthquake struck on August 23, 2011, was less than 30 miles from me. With telephone lines down, it looked like the 4th of July, with people over 300 miles away immediately posting updates on their Facebook pages to let friends and family know what happened and that they were okay. Life is always full of uncertainties. Sometimes it takes a natural occurrence like an earthquake not near a fault line or a tornado in an uncommon location to make us stop for a second and check in with our priorities.

I grew up in Alaska with daily earthquakes throughout the state. Earthquake drills are common practice at school, and watching blinds shake or being rolled out of bed was the norm. When things began creaking and shaking, I instinctively scooped up dog and kid and found myself waiting out the groaning, rattling, rumblings in our nearest, sturdiest doorframe. I was calmly explaining to my soon-to-be preschooler that the earth was shaking like big dinosaurs stomping around outside.

I figured, why not relate this to one of his beloved books, so it was a fun adventure, rather than a potential disaster? He asked if we should put our shoes on, and I said, “Sure, honey, when the chandelier stops swinging and the trees outside stop their staccato swaying.” Using a large vocabulary made me stay in the logical part of my brain, so I would stay calm rather than let my monkey brain create panic for us. Like all kids, he easily picks up the emotional nuances in our voices and faces to tell him how he should react—the shaking stopped, and he was excited to put on his shoes and explore outside as we checked for cracks. With my military background, my mind was also assessing the situation and hoping it was only an earthquake, and not another attack like 9-11 terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon inflicted by human beings angry at other human beings.

As I checked in with family and friends, I also found clients checking in with me. This brings me to my point: relationships. I created my business so I could spread and share unconditional love with as many people as possible. I believe we can all learn more life resiliency skills so that our relationships are healthier, and we’re able to stay more focused on the present and attaining our goals, which often correlate to cultivating and sharing our talents with others.

Mars Venus Coaching based on John Gray’s, Ph.D., wide body of male/female relationship dynamics, is different from other coaching systems, because it focuses on helping people to understand how to communicate with different types of people so they are valued, respected, and heard. Coaching is also different from traditional forms of therapy, because the focus is on the present and creating 90-day action plans that daily step clients closer to their life purpose and goals.

I believe we’re only here on Earth for a blink of an eye, and if we have our priorities straight, then we’re engaging with other people and making their lives a little easier to live and bear. There is a lot of potential to be self-involved, greedy, evil, judgmental, and close-minded. When we focus our attention in this direction, then we take our energy away from what I believe is our main purpose: relationships. Having successful relationships professionally and personally is a life well-lived. Your daily interactions with others, and how many close, quality relationships you have are indicators of whether or not you’re making a difference in the world.

Where were you and what were you thinking about when the 2.8, 2.2, 4.2, and 3.4 aftershocks in Central Virginia occurred in the ensuing hours? Did you even feel them? If you were nearby and felt any of the shaking—did you check in with family and friends? If you were further away and new of loved ones somewhere along the affected eastern coast of America did you check on them?

At the end of each day, regardless if there has been a life event that makes you wonder if you have your priorities straight—are you doing ALL you can do to express your gratitude and love for the people that make a difference in your life? Boot anger and low self-confidence out, and focus on what makes your relationships richer and more fulfilling—engage in the now, every day.

Are you committed to continuous relational growth? Are you ready to enhance your emotional intimacy and keep your love life strong with ongoing insights and tweaks? Discover the onlines couses at Mars Venus Coach Academy and bridge the communication gap and live the life you’ve dreamed.

Lyndsay Katauskas, MEd
Mars Venus Coaching
Corporate Media Relations

To Launch Your Business – Embrace Risk-Taking

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By learning what makes veteran entrepreneurs adept risk-takers, aspiring starters-up can get closer to taking the leap

To evaluate the merits of their startup dream and strategize about its future, aspiring entrepreneurs can sweat out business plans and huddle with experts. To prepare for the emotional roller coaster of venturing out on their own, though, there’s little to do in advance. They must launch and learn on the fly. For those struggling to decide when to launch, insight from seasoned risk-takers and researchers who study them could speed the decision-making process.

For Andrew Ullman and Hayward Majors, co-founders of New York’s CollegeSolved.com, an online expert network for college admissions, leaping did not come easily. After hatching their idea in 2008, they kept their day jobs in corporate law and finance, conducting research and seeking industry input in their spare time. By February 2009, they had a well-researched business plan but lacked the confidence to pursue the venture full-time. “Despite having an opportunity in hand and some financial stability, it took the validation of creating a beta version of the website and raising capital from outsiders to get us comfortable with the [lifestyle] change,” says Ullman.

Like countless others before them, Ullman and Majors were adept at identifying risks but hadn’t learned to take them. “When it comes to taking risks, knowledge is a highly overrated motivator. Otherwise, we’d all buy low and sell high, and our kids would eat their vegetables,” says Dr. Frank Murtha, a behavioral psychologist in New York City who works with traders and specializes in financial risk-taking. He suggests that seizing opportunities when they arise and rolling with the punches requires a skill set few have mastered.

Chemicals in the Brain

In 2008 researchers at the University of Cambridge studied the risky decision-making abilities of entrepreneurs and corporate managers with similar IQs and experience levels using a battery of neurocognitive tests. They found (paywall alert) that the entrepreneurs consistently took riskier bets. The results show that risk-taking is both behavioral and physiological. The entrepreneurs not only scored higher on personality tests that measure impulsivity and flexibility; they also experienced a chemical response in the reward center of the brain that the managers did not.

While we have little control over our natural programming, it is possible to change behavior over time, as most therapists advocate. To offer aspiring entrepreneurs steps to take immediately, I compiled these tips:

Socialize with other entrepreneurs. Entrepreneurship rubs off. A study from Babson suggests that children of entrepreneurs are more likely to start businesses, as are those who know other small business owners. The inverse also holds. Risk aversion can be contagious, as Ullman and Majors experienced. “We always wanted to be entrepreneurs, but we were locked into lucrative jobs that were deemed acceptable by family and friends,” says Majors. Most large cities offer business meet-ups and other networking events where like minds gather.

Set yourself up for small successes. “Our brains are motivated by success to greater success,” says Dr. Richard Peterson, a psychiatrist and PhD of neuroeconomics who has written two books on financial risk-taking. Immediately after experiencing a victory, our neurons process information more effectively, we become sharper and learn faster. Set small goals, no more than three months in length. Even incorporating a hobby that sets you up for small successes can make a difference in your professional life. A personal aside: I’ve just given hubby the license to play World of Warcraft to sharpen his risk-taking prowess.

Have a whiskey sour. Who hasn’t attended a cocktail hour feeling intimidated by a room of unfamiliar faces? A drink can stimulate the impulsive side of your brain’s reward center and give you the courage to strike up a conversation. More isn’t always better when it comes to playing with brain chemistry, of course. For purposes of productive impulsivity, stick to just one.

Or skip the drink and try channeling your inner Richard Branson on your own. We are groomed to seek information when making decisions. Break the habit by practicing by yourself in an environment where your decisions will have few meaningful consequences. Order what instantly comes to mind in a restaurant, for example, then graduate to other arenas.

Have faith. “As much as knowledge is overrated, religion is underrated,” says Murtha. Taking a leap of faith is something every entrepreneur must do at some point or another. Having faith that everything will be O.K., whether it is derived from a spiritual belief or elsewhere, contributes to the willingness to be adaptable.

Choose a partner who possesses skills you don’t. If impulsivity and adaptability aren’t your strong suits, find a partner who already has what you don’t. Of course, don’t bring on a partner unless he or she adds value to the project beyond being able to roll with the punches.

Ullman and Majors quit their day jobs in September 2010 when it became clear investors were willing to commit. They closed the round in December, raising enough from friends and family to sustain the business for about two years, and finally launched CollegeSolved.com in early April. “After more than two years of planning, we thought we’d experience a huge relief post-launch,” says Majors. “But the party is only getting started.”

Monica Mehta
Monica Mehta is managing principal of investment firm Seventh Capital in New York City. She has advised hundreds of small businesses over the past 15 years.

Stop Selling to To Increase Revenue

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Creating or expanding business relationships is not about selling – it’s about establishing trust, rapport, and value creation without selling. Call me crazy, but I don’t want to talk to someone who wants to manage my account, develop my business, or engineer my sale. I want to communicate with someone who desires to fulfill my needs or solve my problems. Any organization that still has “sales” titles on its org charts and business cards is living in another time and place, while attempting to do business in a world that’s already passed them by.

Engage me, communicate with me, add value to my business, solve my problems, create opportunity for me, educate me, inform me, but don’t try and sell me – it won’t work. An attempt to sell me insults my intelligence and wastes my time. Think about it; do you like to be sold? News flash – nobody does. Now ask yourself this question: “Do you like to be helped?” Most reasonable people do. The difference between the two positions, while subtle, is very meaningful.

The traditional practice of sales as a business discipline has become, at best, ineffective, and in many cases flat-out obsolete. You see, good business practices are not static. Stale methodologies and disciplines simply die a slow and very painful death, and it is my contention that the overwhelming majority of sales processes I see in today’s marketplace are just that – stale.

The problem with many sales organizations is that they still operate with the same principles and techniques they were using in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. While the technology supporting the sales process has clearly evolved, the traditional sales strategies proffered by sales gurus 20 or 30 years ago have not kept pace with market needs. They are not nearly as effective as they once were, and as I’ve alluded to, in most cases, they are obsolete.

Trust me when I tell you that your existing and potential clients have heard it all before. They can see the worn-out, old school closing coming a mile away. They can sniff antiquated selling strategies and will immediately tune out of presentations not deemed relevant. If your sales force is still FAB-selling, spin-selling, soft-selling, or using any number of outdated, one-size-fits-all selling methodologies, your sales are suffering whether you realize it or not. If you want to create revenue, increase customer satisfaction, and drive brand equity, stop selling and start adding value.

Lest you think I’ve lost my mind, I want to be clear that I’m not advocating taking your eye off the revenue creation ball. Rather, what I’m recommending will help you generate more revenue, with greater velocity, by simply doing the right thing in putting your customer’s needs first.

I hear a lot of noise about the tough economy, and revenue being down for many companies. I hear complaint upon complaint that companies just don’t have money to spend, and that nobody is buying. If you’re experiencing this type of reaction from your customer, it’s not because they don’t have money to spend; it’s because you’re selling and not adding value. It’s because you’re talking and not listening. It’s because you don’t get it.

It’s not about you, your company, your products, or your services. It’s about meeting customer needs and adding value. When you start paying more attention to your customer needs than your revenue needs, you’ll find you no longer have a revenue problem to complain about.

So, my first suggestion is you change nomenclature. Clients are people not fish. Don’t “lure” or “hook” them – engage them, listen to them and serve them. Eliminate the words “suspects” and “prospects” from your vocabulary and replace them with potential clients. Think about it – do you establish trust by profiling and targeting prospects, or by attempting to understand the needs of a potential client? This is much more than a semantical argument – it’s a philosophical shift in thinking, and a practical shift in acting. Stop selling and start serving.

The truth is most corporations have a hierarchy of sales that comes with a very established and entrenched pecking order. The enterprise sales folks and key accounts reps sit atop the food chain, followed by inside sales reps, and at the bottom of the ladder you’ll find the customer service reps. The hunters are revered and the farmers are tolerated. Regardless of the titles being used, this entire concept of sales is so antiquated it’s laughable. Frankly, most people I know would rather talk to a knowledgeable customer service person over a sales rep any day of the week. The reason for this should be obvious – the perception is a customer service professional is providing information and helping them meet their needs.

A sales person is trying to sell them something.

It’s time for companies to realize that consumers have become very savvy and very demanding. Today’s consumer (B2B or B2C) does their homework, is well informed, and buys…they are not sold.

If customer centricity is a buzzword as opposed to the foundation of your corporate culture then your leadership has some work to do. The reality is until I know that you care more about meeting my needs than yours, you’ll remain on the outside looking in. By the way, in order to understand my needs you have to actually know something about me…

Since the large majority of all buying decisions either begin or conclude on the Internet, you better be visible online. In addition to the basics of search engine optimization and traditional search engine marketing, I would strongly suggest getting involved in social networking. Just by having a presence on Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn, YouTube and other social networking platforms, you not only open-up a new communications channel to your existing clients, but you also make yourself readily available to those looking to find what you have to offer.

Teach your sales force to become true professionals focused on helping their customers for all the right reasons vs. closing the big deal for personal benefit. To do otherwise will lead to missing substantial opportunities without even being aware of it.

The most important factor in creating revenue and building brand equity is the client/customer/end-user. If you don’t engineer everything around the client, your client relationships will vanish before your very eyes. Don’t be just another vendor, become a trusted adviser and advocate.

Mike Myatt
Contributor, Forbes

How to Manage a Micromanager

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If you’ve ever worked with a micromanager, you know how unproductive and demoralizing it can be. This control freak is reluctant to delegate, may second-guess everything you do, and can shake your confidence in your own abilities. Simple tasks that you could accomplish quickly if left to your own devices take twice as long. Your efforts may be reduced to dust as the micromanager completely re-does your work.

Sure, you may be tempted to bolt, but at a time of high unemployment, you might not have that option. So better to master the art of managing the micromanager.

Start by understanding what causes someone to act this way. Often it’s a need for control that stems from insecurity: lack of confidence, workplace instability, and pressure to produce–both individually and as a team. Deep-seated psychological issues and problems at home can also influence the way people behave at work. Many of us have the propensity to be a micromanager, but some of us rein it in better than others.

With this in mind, here are eight practical steps you can take.

1. Look for patterns.

As annoying as micromanagers are, they’re incredibly predictable. Watch for behavior swings. There will be certain situations, times of the day or week, when they get especially agitated. Knowing their pressure points can help you ease them.

2. Anticipate needs.

Once you know what triggers them, you can stay ahead of those stressors and ease the tensions early on. Flag potential problems before they escalate and offer solutions. Always have a stockpile ready of new initiatives and demonstrate that you are proactive. This helps them curb their responses to the pressure points without slipping into micromanagement mode.

3. Show empathy.

Remember, the micromanager is under pressure to produce. Show that you understand his or her plight and are willing to share the load. This could be as simple as offering to help. Tomorrow might be the day when this colleague has to take a child to school, but also has an early meeting. So today ask what you can do to make life easier tomorrow.

4. Be super reliable.

It’s much easier to manage an office where everyone turns up on time and meets work deadlines. This goes back to the fact that a micromanager hates feeling out of control. If some members of the team don’t deliver, the micromanager gets aggravated and makes unfair demands on everyone else. Discuss as a team what you can do to coordinate things in such a way that there’s no need for the micromanager to fret about how everything is running.

5. Be a role model.

Treat the micromanager the way you would like to be treated. Give the micromanager space. Don’t smother or micromanage back. In working with other people, show how your management style is different –and gets equally good results.

6. Speak up—gently.

Often micromanagers are oblivious to the effect they are having on other people. They actually think all their micromanaging is producing a better work product. Show encouragement and support for the micromanager’s strengths. Then, without being confrontational, find a way to let this person know how micromanagement affects you. A little levity could diffuse the tension. Or you might just ask how he or she thinks it feels to be second-guessed and mistrusted all the time.

7. Enlighten others.

It’s not just you who should be shouldering the responsibility of neutralizing someone’s instinct to micromanage. And chances are you’re not the only one suffering either. Explain to others on your team what you’re doing to ease the micro-manager’s anxiety and encourage them to do the same.

8. Run interference.

If a micromanager reports to you and has a detrimental effect on other team members, be a sounding board. Often the micromanager has a skill or quality that’s important to the organization. But it’s up to this manager’s boss to play a leading role in preventing other team members from getting squelched.

Deborah L. Jacobs
Forbes Staff

Women ‘Drive Success’

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COMPANIES perform better when they’ve got women in senior management positions, a business forum has been told.

Carolyn Kay, a non-executive director at Commonwealth Bank, said gender diversity should be viewed as a management essential.

”It’s important for women to be in decision-making levels to help reshape the culture of organisations,” Ms Kay said at the Women in Leadership forum in Sydney yesterday.

Ms Kay said several studies have shown that companies with three or more women in senior management roles outperformed those without any women at the top.

”There are many studies – by Harvard, Catalyst [and] McKinsey to name a few – that show a strong correlation between organisations with women at the top and the relative success of those organisations,” she said.

Ms Kay said it was important for Australia’s economic health that women were employed in executive positions ”for increasing the tax base, supporting the ageing population and lifting the household savings rate”.

Statistics from the Equal Opportunity for Women in the Workplace Agency show that females were 29 per cent of all new appointments to ASX 200 companies in 2011, compared to 25 per cent in 2010.

Tina Brothers, executive director of the Reibey Institute, said that corporate culture change could be achieved if it came from the top.

Read more at TheAge.com.

 

How To Succeed In Business By Really Trying

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No sugar coating here. Unless you’re fortunate enough to be born to take over a thriving family business or to get in on the ground floor of the next Facebook, the road to business success is seldom a simple one.
In my experience and observation, success is much less the product of one brilliant idea than of a great deal of hard work, well-executed and sustained over a long period of time.

Even in the best of times, no one will just hand you a position of great value for nothing. If your goal is vice president or partner or managing director, or the C-suite, or whatever role has captured your imagination, no one can guarantee you’ll attain it. But if hard work is the currency of success, there are things you can do to make that effort work as hard as possible for your up-and-coming career. So, with a tip of the cap to one of the greatest musicals ever (“How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”), here are five activities that can be worth really trying to put extra time into.

Learn the business – If you work for a sizable organization, and perhaps if you don’t, chances are your business has considerable complexity. Take time to learn not just your particular role (that’s “table stakes”- you have to know it), but also to gain a broader understanding of the business: the competitive environment, the market forces at play, the company’s value proposition, sales model, pricing model, etc. No one’s expecting you to become an expert in all these fields, but gaining at least a working understanding of the key macro-level issues is always helpful. Familiarity with these larger issues senior management is grappling with will only enhance your decision-making capabilities in your own role.

Make yourself indispensable – Take time to really understand what your manager needs. Not just what is needed from you in your current role, but what are the troubling problems that keep him or her up at night? Is it help with PowerPoints, an upcoming presentation to a hostile audience, delicate personnel problems, or dealing with regulators… to name just a few of a thousand possibilities. Try to see things through the eyes of others. The more substantive assistance you can provide, the more gaps you can fill, the more valuable you’ll be to an organization.

Provide solutions, not problems – The normal state of senior management is too much to do in too little time. When wrestling with difficult issues in your own area, naturally, you can’t always solve all the problems yourself. But it definitely can be worth the extra time to not simply make your problems your manager’s. Instead, present your manager with a carefully thought-out range of viable options – ideally including your recommended solution – rather than just posing a vexing, time-consuming problem. This approach demonstrates your critical thinking capabilities, and can be an appreciated time saver for a person with little time to spare.

Be a great collaborator – Good team players are valued. Large complex projects always require people with diverse skills. Attitude matters; effective collaborators often find themselves in demand. Consider taking the time to volunteer for a large project that may be understaffed, even in an area outside your core expertise. This can be a way of broadening your skill set and business knowledge, plus demonstrating your motivation. Management appreciates self starters who ‘play well with others.’

Come early, stay late – The best point I can offer here is a story of my own. While I’m an advocate in theory for as much work-life balance as possible, the fact is, if you want to get ahead, there will be periods in a career where there are no substitutes for grindingly long hours. There was a period in my own career where I was especially motivated by the prospect of advancement and all that went with it, and had great respect for the organization and the work we were doing. Accordingly, I resolved to myself that no one in the 20-person department I worked in (including the SVP who managed the operation) would come in earlier or work later than I would. Did I always achieve that? No. But did my diligence catch the attention of senior management and ultimately help my career? Yes. (The assumption here of course is that you’re not simply sitting around long hours playing video games or writing to your aunt… but doing real work and adding value!)

In the end of course, occupational success is preordained for no one. Many talented people compete for relatively few coveted positions. But you can take certain actions to improve your odds. And if you do, regardless of how things turn out in a particular instance, at the very least you’ll have the benefit of broadening your skills and the satisfaction of knowing you gave your very best effort.

Victor Lipman
Contributor , Forbes Magazine

3 Tips to Achieving Your Goals

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Liza Tsapenko
Mars Venus Coach

Tips for the Workplace Part 2

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The need for improved communication between the sexes in the workplace is very important for the overall health and efficiency of all organizations. In the global economy in which we compete, we need to ensure that inefficiencies are “built in” and that we do not tolerate difficulties in communicating with the opposite gender. Awareness and training from the online video eWorkshop “Mars and Venus in the Workplace” can eliminate or correct difficulties and misunderstandings and have an immediate positive impact on your organization.

Let’s discuss another tip for each gender that can help you be more effective in your current role or position.

Tip for Women

We’ll begin with one that is very common when women communicate with men. When communicating with men, we teach women to come straight to the point and leave out unnecessary details and background information. Men usually communicate in a very direct way, and to women’s ears, a blunt way. Men do not take offense at this and will be very appreciative if a woman simply gets to the point without the added extras.

Don’t make sacrifices to justify a request. Instead, just ask directly for what you want. If he says no, ask again and be willing to negotiate. Men appreciate directness.

Tip for Men

The tip for men is to avoid lecturing a woman. Lecturing women is what can be called a boomerang strategy – you throw it out there, and then it comes back to hit you on the head. Involving rather than telling women always works best. If you continually tell or lecture a woman to do things, she will simply form the opinion that you are arrogant, don’t care about anyone else, and will be completely demotivated. Hence, her productivity will be greatly decreased. If you involve her, her ownership of the task increases, and so does her motivation and productivity. In the instance of lecturing a woman because she has done something wrong or made a mistake, it is extremely counterproductive. Most women can tell themselves off and beat themselves up far better than anything anybody else could do to them. If a woman is aware that she has made a mistake, she will already be internally telling herself off and accepting the blame or responsibility. Often, in this situation, she needs the man to be supportive, yet stern. Find the balance.

Are you ready to take your career to a whole new level and distinguish yourself at work? It’s going to take a little work on your part to learn the necessary skills and tools. Why not get started and improve your skills with a workshop that has the timely information to make you stand out in your organization and move your business or career forward?

Again, if you found this information helpful, click here to learn more about the online “Mars Venus Gender Intelligence course”.This live 5-session course will teach you how to bridge communication gaps, manage stress dynamics, and create deeper connections. Inspired by Dr. John Gray’s best-seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, this course offers lifetime access, science-backed tools, and personal coaching to help you build lasting harmony at home and at work.

The Relationships You Want. Start Here.

Mars Venus Coaching Team